Irina Lutsenko: IELTS, writing, cohesion

📝 Overuse of "and" 📝

While overuse of conjunctions (which "and" is) can be a stylistic device, more often than not, it produces bad sentences.

📝 Here are some examples of such sentences written by a student:

1. Her openness and frankness about her life, misfortunes and victories made her real, trustworthy and relatable.
2. I, personally, still remember and follow some of her pieces of advice, and some of my views and preferences were formed partially because of her speeches.
3. Moreover, exceptional speakers are mostly experts in their sphere and their thoughts are usually backed up by research and evidence, which means listening to them can be both inspirational and educational.

When I ask my students to rephrase such sentences, they are quick to resort to "as well as" or "along with." But these don't help (well, they can occasionally, but rarely).

I tell my students, "Overuse of 'and' is just a symptom." Even if you replace all the "and"s with "as well as, along with, together with" etc, you will still have a clumsy sentence. "And" simply shows that you packed too many concepts into one sentence.

What are the solutions? Sometimes the solution is to simply delete a concept. Sometimes the solution is to use a more precise conjunction. Sometimes the solution is to split the sentence into two or rephrase it entirely.

📝 Look at my re-write of the third sentence:

3. Moreover, exceptional speakers are mostly experts in their sphere, so their ideas are usually backed up by research and evidence, which means listening to them can be both inspirational and educational.

How would you rewrite the first and the second sentences? Give it a shot in the comments. 📝

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What will you write?

Social media posts and stories. Take a look at some written by my former students:
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🦩 Shifts and inconsistencies in writing 🦩

Take a look at a paragraph written by a student and try to notice what shift or inconsistency I mean.

📝 "When doing something risky, we should always be ready to lose. But I believe that all those reckless risk-takers know the secret: it is the whole process, not the result, that is of the greatest value. Getting out of a comfort zone might teach you who you truly are and help you overcome your fears. Failure makes us more resilient to ever-changing circumstances and adapt at finding multiple routes to your dream destination. And those ready to risk over and over again inevitably get what they wanted (even though it might differ from the initial picture in their mind)."

Did you notice the inconsistency in pronouns? Sometimes it's "we/us," sometimes it's "you." Plus, it's a bit unclear if the test takers are expected to be separated from "us" or not.

📝 My rewrite:
"When doing something risky, we should always be ready to lose. But I believe that all those reckless risk-takers know the secret: it is the process, not the result, that is of the greatest value. And, perhaps, we should learn from them. Getting out of our comfort zone will teach us who we truly are. Failure will make us more resilient and adept at finding multiple routes to the dream destination. But we should also keep in mind that losing is not an inevitable outcome. After all, those taking the risks over and over again inevitably get what they wanted - even if it differs from the initial picture in their mind."

I decided to stick to "we/us" as "you" would be too informal and "people" would be too formal. Plus, I added "And, perhaps, we should learn from them" in order to create a smoother transition from the risk takers to "us."

This inconsistency in pronouns is very common. Make sure to double check them. 📝

🎄 IELTS Writing Task 2: a developed idea (another paragraph makeover, well almost) 🎄

The cornerstone of Task Response is the development of idea. But what is a developed idea? How do we know the difference?

🗒 Take a look at this paragraph written by a student and try to notice the development or lack thereof.

"Studying international news at school is considered unproductive by many, which is the position I agree with. Adding this subject will undeniably overload students: by doing so, schools will not only cause academic stress but also affect the students’ mental and physical health. In addition, teenagers in such a course would be more exposed to violence and biased media, dealing with which can increase anxiety, apathy, and the probability to develop depression in areas unrelated to the content being consumed. Thus, studying international news as an obligatory course at school is more of a liability than an asset."

We have a bunch of ideas, but most of them are not developed at all. Let's take the first part: "Adding this subject will undeniably overload students: by doing so, schools will not only cause academic stress but also affect the students’ mental and physical health." We have a mention of academic stress. But what exactly is it? How does it happen? What are the consequences? Let's use these questions to develop the idea.

🗒 Here is my development of "academic stress":

"Adding this subject will overload the students as they will have more hours of studies and more homework. This will inevitably cause them unnecessary academic stress, which can result in poor performance in other subjects, ones that students like more or hope to study in depth at university. It is thus more reasonable to keep the traditional subjects on the curriculum and let the students study international news in their free time if they wish to do so."

Now "academic stress" is better developed. And then we need to decide what to develop next. We have mental health and physical health in the same sentence as academic stress. The impact on physical health is not explained at all. The impact on mental health is somewhat explained in the next part, but it's not introduced as an explanation. It's introduced as an addition. Plus, I have a huge question here: why will students be necessarily exposed to violence in this class? International news can be about politics or finances, not necessarily violence.

Developing all of the original ideas would be too much. We could choose just one more to develop. Give it a shot in the comments. 🗒

☃️ IELTS Writing Task 2: a paragraph makeover ☃️

🗒 Topic: "Some people think that the best way to learn about business is to study a course at college or university. Others believe that there are other better ways to learn about business. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

🗒 Here is a student's paragraph about the first point of view:

"On the one hand, doing a course on business at an educational institution is the best choice. By doing so, a candidate is likely to gain profound knowledge of the mechanics of business models. This foundation can give the understanding of basic economic principles, how markets are affected by world events, and how to assess a firms' financial health. Thus, such academic background serves as a building block for flexibility - a valued asset of a contemporary entrepreneur. It arms them with skills required to work equally effectively for businesses of all sizes - from multinational companies to start-ups, as well as in a number of contexts - from finance and Human Resources to personal brands."

This paragraph has some good ideas, but is a bit chaotic. More importantly, it doesn't explain why doing a course at university is the best choice. It simply explains what happens at a university course. For example, "gain profound knowledge" or "understanding of basic economic principles" or "arms them with skills" - these things simply happen at university. They don't necessarily mean a university course is the best.

So how do we argue that a university course is the best choice? How do we underscore the "the best" part?

🗒 My rewrite:

"On the one hand, doing a course on business at a university is the best choice. First, a candidate is likely to gain more profound knowledge of the mechanics of business and economic principles than they might through experience or consuming content online. This is because university courses are based on solid scientific research and are taught by professors with advanced academic degrees. Second, courses offered by higher education institutions are better designed in that they are more comprehensive and include a wide range of subjects. They can thus enable the graduates to work in a wide range of business contexts, from multinational companies to start-ups. When people learn from experience, on the other hand, they only learn one specific area of business they are engaged in. A university course is therefore a much more fundamental approach than any other."

What did I do? I explained why a university course is more profound and contrasted a wide range of contexts with just one area.

Many IELTS topics have the word "the best." Make sure it's clear not only how something works, but also in what ways it's better than other ways.

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❄️ Writing with New Scientist: "thing" ❄️

"Thing" is a beautiful, all-encompassing shell noun - you can use it to speak about anything. "People spend too time on social media. This is a bad thing." Or, "Prolonged exposure to noise leads to such negative things as anxiety and insomnia."

Unfortunately, this word is completely non-academic or even anti-academic. In academic writing, we need more precise shell nouns, like: measure, trend, initiative, factor, development, consequence etc.

🗒 Here is a piece from the student's paragraph:

"Minor failures may result in frustration, disappointment and anger. These, in turn, would contribute to things like anxiety and depression."

Instead of "things," we could say, "issues" or even "mental health issues."

🗒 Here is another paragraph written by a student. This time, we see two examples of "things." How would you rephrase each one?

"Believing their potential is limitless is likely to reduce people's fear of failure, thus making them more daring and less inhibited. This, in turn, could lead them to muster the courage to attempt [1] things they have always wanted but never dared to try, such as starting their own business or learning a foreign language. Apart from enabling individuals to embark on new endeavors, the belief could also be a help along the way, as it will motivate them to persevere and try harder, regardless of any obstacles and setbacks. This amount of effort can't fail to bring at least some positive results. Even if they don't achieve everything they set out to accomplish, people will still hone their skills, increase their expertise and develop themselves, which can only be a good [2] thing."

Don't limit yourself to shell nouns. Be creative. And make other necessary changes. 📝

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🌎 IELTS Writing Task 1: How much can you assume in map descriptions? 🌎

Today, we were discussing overviews for the IELTS 16 task about the Southwest Airport.

One student wrote "The skytrain, which will replace the walkway, will allow passengers to move through this area faster." Another student asked, "But isn't it an assumption that passengers will be able to move faster? Aren't we only supposed to describe what is in the task, without any assumptions?"

It's a very good question. And, generally, you shouldn't make assumptions about the data in the task. But! First, it's abundantly clear that taking a train is faster than walking, so this assumption is safe. Second, you need to think about why the thing in the map (the walkway in the airport in this case) was changed. Why would they need to replace the walkway? Because the airport will be bigger, so walking will be harder and longer.

OK, let's take the bare change without any assumptions: "The skytrain will replace the walkway." What are some assumptions that you should NOT include in your answer?
- The skytrain, which will replace the walkway, will allow passengers to move through this area faster, so they won't miss their flight.
- The skytrain, which will replace the walkway, will make it easier for passengers to transport their heavy luggage.
- The skytrain, which will replace the walkway, will be a much more modern and technological means of transport.

These assumptions are also safe to some extent, but they are definitely a stretch - they not related to the changes at all (the airport increasing in size and new facilities being added).

Assume safely.

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📩 A clear purpose: how clear is it what you want? 📩

"Hello! My name is Anna, and I would like to apply for your course." This the beginning of a message I recently got from a subscriber and was surprised by - in a good way.

This line has something seemingly simple and obvious, yet something I rarely get - a clear statement of purpose. What does the person want? The person wants to apply for the course. Most messages I get have very vague statements of purpose, like "When does the course start?" or "I am interested in this course." People usually think it's obvious that when they write this, they want to join. But it isn't, so I have to ask.

Why is this important?

We are now preparing to launch IELTS General Training writing courses and are writing model answers. Task 1 - letters - has the clarity of purpose as part of the assessment criterion "Task Achievement":
- Band 5: may present the purpose that is unclear at times;
- Band 6: presents a purpose that is generally clear;
- Band 7: presents a clear purpose.

So clarity - or lack thereof - can make a difference to your score.

I think IELTS Writing is very practical and close to real life. A clear statement of purpose is as important in an IELTS letter as it is in a message in real life. The only difference is in real life I can ask for clarification. In IELTS, you don't have that luxury.

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🎄IELTS writing: idea development 🎄

When it comes to the development of the idea, how do you identify what's missing or what's undeveloped? Let me show you an example.

📝 Topic: "Some people believe that women should be able to join their country’s army and police forces. Others think that only men should be allowed to work in these areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

📝 Student's original paragraph:
"On the one hand, it is reasonable to limit police and army prospective employees to male ones only. By doing so, these institutions would be more likely to employ stronger and more endurable people due to the fact that men have more muscle and bone mass. In addition, men are often more inclined to take risks, presumed by the specifics of work under discussion, including possible violent attacks, injuries, and driving at high speed. Police, army and the society in its turn would therefore benefit from hiring men as they could deliver better performance at tasks working there typically requires."

It's a good paragraph, but to develop the idea even further, we need answers to these questions: 1) What’s good about hiring stronger people only? 2) How will society benefit from police and army hiring men only?

These are not the only ones but some of the most common points that are missing from the idea development: 1) what's good (bad) about a certain thing; 2) who benefits (suffers) and how. 🎄

So, what would you write to further develop the student's paragraph? ❓

☃️ IELTS writing: stay on track with Task Response ☃️

Topic: "Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that in today’s world subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your opinion."

I'll share the beginning of the paragraph arguing the first point of view. As you read, think about what subtracts from Task Response.

📝 Student's original paragraph:
"Some people find History more essential for a student than Science or Technology. This is because such a subject as History accumulates the experience of the past, enabling people to see the mistakes of their previous generations. Relying on this experience, it is possible to forecast future events more accurately and to be able to make more correct decisions about the future."

If you read the second and the third sentence carefully, you'll see that they are very neutral: the former is about people in general, while the latter doesn't have any agents at all.

To stay on track with Task Response in this case, you need to write about schools and students.

📝 My re-write:
"Some people consider History to be a more essential subject than Science or Technology. This is because it accumulates the experience of the past, studying which the students can develop their analytical skills and learn from the mistakes of their previous generations. These skills and knowledge can later become useful both in their university studies and in their professional life."

Now the paragraph is closely connected with schools (lexical items: study, skills, learn, knowledge, university studies), not to mention that students - very specific agents - are featured in both the second and the third sentence.

Many IELTS topics feature specific categories of people: students, children, men/women, sports people, the unemployed, etc. After you've written a paragraph, re-read it to make sure you wrote about the specific category in the task rather than people in general. ☃️☃️☃️

📝 IELTS Writing: a paragraph makeover 📝

Topic: "Some people think that criminal behaviour has genetic causes. Others believe that it is circumstances that lead people to commit a crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

Here is the student's original paragraph about the second point of view (that it's the circumstances that lead people to commit a crime). As you read, it try to understand what's wrong in terms of Task Response. (There are some language mistakes, but let's ignore those.)

🗒 Original:
"On another hand, I believe that only the condition of society affects people who commit a crime. In such conditions they do not have the opportunity to earn money in a legal way, so people become offenders in order to survive. For example, during the 90s in Russia there were not enough workplaces for people with different professions. This stems from the fact that the country was absolutely in a destroyed condition in all spheres. The Russian government’s Institutions were broken, such as the economy, culture, the internal affairs and life infrastructure. Although people had a good education and qualifications, they often had one chance to survive is to join criminal groups in the big cities and regions and earn money in an illegal way."

The problem is that the paragraph relies heavily on the example - it takes most of the paragraph and almost replaces the development of the idea. The example is certainly great, but let's give it less space and add an explanation, shall we?

Below is the re-write by Anna Skopina. Anna is teaching my IELTS writing groups for scores 7 and below. (Btw, message me to join one in 2023.)

🗒 Re-write:
"On the other hand, I believe that the environment has a more pronounced effect on those who commit crime. That is to say, in a society where poverty and unemployment are rife, people do not have the opportunity to earn money in a legal way, becoming offenders in order to survive. For example, following the dissolution of the Soviet Union in the 90s, Russia plunged into severe recession and political instability, which entailed large-scale unemployment. As a consequence, people, not being able to earn a living, resorted to joining criminal gangs so as not to starve. Society thus plays a more significant role in criminal behaviour than inherited traits because while the latter only increases the likelihood of turning to crime, the former often leaves people with no other choice."

So we do have the same example, but it's shorter and it's followed by a concluding sentence explaining what this example illustrates. 💚

I got two great IELTS questions in my "Teaching IELTS writing" mini-course and thought it would be a crime not to share my answers with everyone.

1️⃣ "Does IELTS writing have sensitive topics? For example, here is a topic a student got in their IELTS exam last week. "Many TV channels show more men's sports than women's. Why is this? Should TV channels allocate equal time for both men's and women's sport?"

No, IELTS doesn't have sensitive topics. And the topic above is not sensitive. Not everything that involves women and/or men is sensitive.

IELTS has more topics about men and women. For example,
- "There are many female students who finish degrees in science and technology courses at university, but few move into the workplace after they graduate. Why is this? What measures can be taken to encourage them into work?"
- "Some people believe that women should be able to join their country’s army and police forces. Others think that only men should be allowed to work in these areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

These are not sensitive topics, are they?

2️⃣ "My student was asked a very abstract philosophical question in his speaking test - about living in the world without a monetary system. Is that ok? How common is that?"

I'd say being asked a very abstract philosophical question is a good sign. Such questions typically mean that the examiner sees potential and is probing for a higher score. So philosophical questions are nothing to worry about. Besides, they don's really have a right or wrong answer. So just speculating is fine. Personally, I'd actually be worried and suspicious if I was only asked a bunch of simple questions. But there is an important caveat: there is always a possibility of a student misunderstanding the question or remembering it wrong.

Do you have an IELTS question? If it's a great one - one that many will benefit from - I will answer on my social media. Drop me a line to ask. 💌

Next "Teaching IELTS writing" dates: 16, 23, 30 January. 📅
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👻 VK Donut VS Boosty 👻

I know that many of you would love to read my #IELTS writing answers. Well, I share them on two subscription services - VK Donut and on Boosty. How are they different and which one should you choose?

1️⃣ Some people feel uncomfortable using their bank card details on VK. Some people don't have a VK profile or a Russian bank card at all. This is something to take into account.

2️⃣ If you do have a VK profile, you probably spend a lot of time on VK anyway - so it will be easier for you to notice and react to content. Boosty needs a separate account, which I personally have to log in to on purpose. This means I spend less time there and might react less quickly to comments.

3️⃣ VK doesn't have subscription tiers - everything is available to every subscriber. On the one hand, it seems better as you have access to more, but on the other hand, it might be overwhelming - you might have to sift though a lot of content to find what you need.

4️⃣ Navigation is much more convenient on Boosty. You can use tags to find specific types of tasks. E.g. "writing task 1" - and you get all of those. Or "IELTS 17" and you get all of those. Or "agree/disagree" and you get all my "agree/disagree" essays. Navigation is much less convenient on VK Donut.

5️⃣ I started VK Donut earlier, so it has more content - 81 posts as of today. Boosty has fewer posts now, but I will be uploading more and more regularly. So again, on the one hand, it might seem that VK it's better because it has more, but on the other hand, if you want to find an older post, you will have to scroll down to one year ago, which might be annoying and overwhelming.

Generally, it's hard to say which is better. As an author, l'm leaning towards Boosty, but it's not without weaknesses. VK is minimalistic and ubiquitous, which might be its advantage.

👻 Links:
- VK Donut https://vk.com/donut/iralutse
- Boosty https://boosty.to/irinalutsenko
- I also have an IELTS 17 pdf pack - all my answers for IELTS 17 https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5966142%2Fquery

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class: a superb piece of text 💙

"This argument is developed superbly," says Irina never rarely.

Today, rather than sharing a bad piece of writing, I want to share a superb example. The idea in the piece below is developed so well that I didn't have a single question or comment about it (which happens very rarely).

🗒 Question: Why do people keep eating food that is unhealthy?

🗒 Student's paragraph - as is, without a single edit on my part:

"There are two major reasons for this. The first is that many products these days are created in such a way that they are highly addictive. Manufacturers, for whom it is lucrative to stimulate an immoderate consumption of their products, purposefully use sugar and taste-enhancing food additives to trigger the reward system in the human brain and get it hooked on instant gratification. As a result, finding it onerous to fight the cravings for sugar- and additives-rich food people prioritise the immediate pleasure over the long term benefits of a healthy diet as it brings a brief bout of happiness and decreases stress."

Well, I said I didn't have a single comment about the idea development, but I do have a comment on cohesion. Did you spot the unclear referencing? It's the last "it" in the last sentence - it seems to refer to "a healthy diet." How would you fix it?❓

Anyways, cohesion aside, this is a superb piece. 💙

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class: sentence clinic 📝

Take a look at this sentence written by a student. It's technically correct, but in what way is it flawed?

🗒 "The second strategy is introducing stringent regulations and even bans on junk food commercials in mass media and on billboards to cut the time people are exposed to mouth-watering images of fast food and snacks, mostly unrealistic and crafted specifically to lure people into buying the products."

Well, students said it's lengthy. But why is it lengthy? Because it has four "and"s!

🗒 "The second strategy is introducing stringent regulations and even bans on junk food commercials in mass media and on billboards to cut the time people are exposed to mouth-watering images of fast food and snacks, mostly unrealistic and crafted specifically to lure people into buying the products."

What is wrong with the "and"s though? Well, they add some parts that are unnecessary, complicating the sentence without good reason.

My re-write:
🗒 "The second strategy is introducing stringent regulations or even bans on junk food advertising to cut the time people are exposed to mouth-watering images of such food, mostly unrealistic and crafted specifically to lure people into buying the products."

One "and" was replaced with "or" for emphasis. Two were cut out entirely as they didn't add meaning. Only one remained. Isn't the sentence more beautiful now? 💜

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class: a case of improved cohesion 👩‍🎓

Sometimes cohesion is about simply changing the order of your clauses. Let's take a look at one such case.

🗒 Topic: Different ages come with different strengths and weaknesses. Some people therefore believe certain jobs and activities should be restricted to certain ages. Others, however, insist that all jobs and all activities should be open to everyone regardless of their age. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

🗒 The beginning of the first body paragraph written by a student:
"Some jobs and activities require specific skills or physical strength, which people often lack at a particular age, and consequently restrictions seem to be essential. It is supposed that elderly specialists, for example those over over 70 years old, can be frail or absent-minded to work in such demanding jobs as police officers or surgeons."

Which clause would you put in a different place?

🗒 My re-write:
"Restrictions might be essential in some jobs and activities that require specific skills or physical strength, which people often lack at a particular age. For example, specialists who are over 70 years old can be too frail or absent-minded to work in such demanding jobs as police officers or surgeons."

Why is my version more cohesive?
1) Placing "restrictions" at the beginning makes the introduction smoother as this is something we already know from the topic;
2) In my version, "particular age" and "specialists who are over 70" are situated closer to each other, which also enhances cohesion.

What do you think?❓