Irina Lutsenko: IELTS, writing, cohesion

Have you signed up for the December run of my short but epic mini-course "Teaching IELTS writing"? Do so asap.

💃 Session 1: Writing Task 1
- The panoply of types
- What to teach for each
- Assessment criteria
- Sample answers for different scores (including answers written by me)

💃 Session 2: Writing Task 2
- Garden-variety essay questions
- The structure of any essay
- Understanding and developing the topic
- Assessment criteria
- Common mistakes
- Sample answers for different scores (including answers written by me)

💃 Session 3: Making the most of IELTS model answers (both W1 and W2).
Giving students IELTS model answers is certainly a great idea, but you can't just hand them the answers and say, "Look. These are good. Do the same thing." You need to make sure the model answers help your student develop their skills. In this session, I'll share a whole host of meaningful activities you can do with model answers. Each activity is aimed at a certain goal and will help you work on all four assessment criteria. All the activities are based on answers written by me, most of which you will get after the session.

💃 A little bit about IELTS and me:
- IELTS prep experience: over 10 years;
- IELTS taken: three times (academic);
- Scores: 8.5, 8.5, and finally 9;
- Writing score: 8.5 (two times!);
- I don't have any lifehacks, but I do have a profound understanding of the exam (and hundreds of checked essays).

There will be no recordings, but you will get the pdfs of the presentations and the sample answers.

Why don't I record my sessions?
If I decided to make a recording, I would have to ask you to mute yourself and switch off your video, or you would want to do that yourself. But I encourage interaction and questions. I don't want to be a talking head - I want to be the person who answers your questions and addresses your concerns right here and now. This is how I can be of most help.

📌 Price:
- 4000 ₽ for all three sessions.
- 1500 ₽ for one session.

📅 December 2022:
Monday 12, 19 December, 14:00-15:30 MSK - Sessions 1 and 2
Saturday 17 December 12:00-13:30 MSK - Session 3

Find some feedback on the course in the comment section to the attached product and message me to sign up. 💌

https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5648169%2Fquery

📝 How real are the solutions in your essay? 📝

When I check essays that that involve coming up with solutions (e.g. questions like, "How can this be addressed? How can this problem be solved? How can the effects of this be mitigated?"), I see the same problem - the solutions are not real solutions in that it's not clear who will be implementing them and how.

Have a look at one paragraph written by a student (mildly edited by me for conciseness) and try to assess it from this point of view - are the solutions real solutions?❓

🗒 Topic: mitigating the effects of fast fashion on the environment

🗒 "There are several ways this can be achieved. Opting for better-quality garments, for example, could essentially decrease the amount of clothes that are dumped and the fashion's environmental destructiveness on the whole. Breaking the linear model and choosing a more circular one is another way out, allowing to give clothes a second life and a chance for reuse. This means that recycling technology is to be improved, on the one hand, while some fibres are to be sacrificed due to their complicated recycling process, on the other. ... "

The ideas are valid, but we don't see who will be implementing them and how. Btw, did you notice that the paragraph doesn't have a single "doer"? The "doers" in this specific essay could be consumers, fashion companies, governments.

Let's scrutinize the first sentence and try to brainstorm for more specific ideas.

🗒 "Opting for better-quality garments, for example, could essentially decrease the amount of clothes that are dumped and the fashion's environmental destructiveness on the whole."

Who will be doing that? OK, consumers. But why aren't they doing that now? Better-quality garments are more expensive. Then maybe shops/brands can give out discount coupons for old clothes brought for recycling. Or maybe consumers will want to buy more expensive items after they find out what impact fast fashion has on the environment. How will they find that out? From documentaries or social media or even classes at school - this can be implemented by journalists and schools, possibly subsidized by governments or even fashion companies themselves.

This is the thinking process that will help you find solutions that will sound specific and that can actually be implemented.

Because... if solutions like "sustainability should be pursued" or "children should be provided with good education" or "poor people should be provided with governmental support" worked, we wouldn't have any problems at all.

So make sure your solutions don't sound vague and the reader can clearly see who will be implementing them and how.

🦩 A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class: inversion 🦩

"In your essay, use inversion," said Irina never... until she did. Today.

I have developed a bit of a distaste for inversion. I blow a raspberry every time I see. "Not only... ." Russian people, especially teachers, misuse inversion. And they do so in two ways: 1) They use it for grammar only, with total disregard for the emphatic meaning; 2) They misplace the pesky "also." But let's put the first way aside for today. Let's turn our attention to "also."

Today, I gave my students the following three sentences and asked them to join the last two. Try your hand at it too before you continue reading.

📝 "Unfortunately, doing human caloric-restriction experiments is extremely difficult. First, people find it very hard to halve their energy intake for more than a few days at a time. Second, the experiment would also have to run for many years to assess whether it had any life-extending effect."

📝 And of course, I got this: "Not only is it very hard to halve their energy intake for more than a few days at a time, but also the experiment would have to run for many years to assess whether it had any life-extending effect."

But the pesky "also" does not go right after "but" - it goes before the main verb or after the verb "to be": "... , but the experiment would also have to ... ."

More examples:
- Not only do people work in jobs they hate, but they also earn peanuts.
- By trying to achieve their goals, not only can people avoid these negative consequences, but they can also fulfill their dreams and increase their overall well-being.
- Not only is this unethical, but it is also illegal in some countries.

OK, this takes care of one common mistake with inversion. But I'm not done with this grammar structure - I'll move one step at a time. 🦩

📝 A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class: a paragraph makeover 📝

Have a look at a paragraph written by a student and try to guess what I asked the student to change.

🗒 Topic: "Curiosity can be a boon or a bane. Do you think the advantages of curiosity outweigh the disadvantages?"

🗒 Original:

"The benefits of curiosity are by far greater than its drawbacks as it pushes people to explore the world and is, therefore, the driving force behind development. It is curiosity that makes babies scan their immediate environment and try to reach the objects they are interested in, thus helping them to learn to crawl and walk. It is the same powerful desire to know more about the world that makes children ask numerous questions and develop their minds. In adulthood it is the same force that makes people seek answers to yet more profound questions about how the world functions and, as a result, enables them to contribute to the development of medicine, sciences and arts. All in all, it is curiosity that lies at the heart of all discoveries and stimulates progress at both individual and society level, thus determining the sheer existence of mankind."

🗒 My comment: I would appreciate the parallel “it is” in more creative genres, but not in an IELTS essay. Such repetitions are a valid stylistic device (one of my favorite), but they have no place in essays.

🗒 Student's rewrite:

"The benefits of curiosity are by far greater than its drawbacks as it pushes people to explore the world and is, therefore, the driving force behind development. It's the same powerful desire to know more about the world that makes babies learn to crawl, encourages children to develop their minds by asking questions and pushes adults to contribute to the development of science and arts. All in all, curiosity lies at the heart of all discoveries and stimulates progress at both individual and society level, thus determining the sheer existence of humankind. "

The paragraph is now more academic and more concise. 💛

📈 A glimpse of my IELTS Writing class today: hedging 📈

Whenever I talk about hedging in #IELTS, I think about the proverb "Give someone enough rope and they will hang themselves" because students often overuse it.

Hedging is words like "might" or "to some extent." It is used to express uncertainty, probability, caution. It's very common in academic writing. And whenever the students hear this, they start using hedging everywhere - they want to sound academic after all.

But not everything needs to be hedged because not all things in academic essays are uncertain, probable, and cautious. For example, you won't say: "IELTS might be an international test to some extent" or "People who are 16 might be prohibited from buying alcohol in Russia." These are just facts and should be expressed directly: "IELTS is an international test" and "People who are 16 are prohibited ... ."

I am going to give you three pairs of sentences which are not hedged. However, one sentence in each pair should be hedged. Which one?❓

1. Certain genes make people impulsive and aggressive.
2. Genetic causes make people commit crime.

3. Women are physically weaker than men.
4. Women are not as successful in police jobs as men.

5. Punishment is the best way to modify behavior.
6. Punishment is effective at modifying behavior.

KEY:

❌ 2. Genetic causes make people commit crime.
✅ 2. Genetic causes might make some people commit crime.

❌ 4. Women are not as successful in police jobs as men.
✅ 4. Women might not be as successful in police jobs as men.

❌ 5. Punishment is the best way to modify behavior.
✅ 5. Punishment might be / is believed to be / seems to be the best way to modify behavior.

Do use hedging, but don't hedge facts. Use it to leave space for alternative opinions or cases, not just because it sounds academic.

📈 A glimpse of my IELTS Writing class today 📈

Another example of an inconsistency. Can you notice it?

🗒 "The largest number of graduate students continued their studies (29,665). This number is almost twice as high as that for people who chose to do part-time work and those who stayed unemployed, with around 17 and 16 thousand respectively. Only thirty five hundred of students did voluntary work."

This time it's an inconsistency in writing numbers. I'll put them in bold for convenience:

🗒 "The largest number of graduate students continued their studies (29,665). This number is almost twice as high as that for people who chose to do part-time work and those who stayed unemployed, with around 17 and 16 thousand respectively. Only thirty five hundred of students did voluntary work."

This inconsistency makes it harder for the reader to process the information. Just stick to the simplest way - just write the data in digits:

🗒 "The largest number of graduate students continued their studies (29,665). This number is almost twice as high as that for people who chose to do part-time work and those who stayed unemployed, with around 17,000 and 16,000 respectively. Only 3,500 students did voluntary work."

Btw, in English thousands are set off by commas! Make sure you write the figures correctly:
✅ 29,665
❌ 29665
❌ 29.665

Writing the thousands incorrectly can create confusion: without a comma, there are too many digits glued together, while a period (correction: a point) looks like a decimal separator.

📝 A common mistake in writing 📝

Here is a piece of a student's writing. Try to notice what is off.

📝 "Being genuinely interested in people around you is actually more important in communication than being interested in oneself. If a person is curious, he or she is eager to listen to another person and support them."

The problem is the inconsistency in subjects / objects / agents. I'll put them in bold for you to notice:

📝 "Being genuinely interested in people around you is actually more important in communication than being interested in oneself. If a person is curious, he or she is eager to listen to another person and support them."

How can we change that?

1️⃣ The simplest solution is to use "you" everywhere:

"Being genuinely interested in people around you is actually more important in communication than being interested in yourself. If you are curious, you are eager to listen to another person and support them."

Now the piece is beautifully consistent, but what if we can't use "you" because of the register? It is on the informal side after all.

2️⃣ The solution many people suggest immediately is using "one" throughout:

"Being genuinely interested in people around one is actually more important in communication than being interested in oneself. If one is curious, one is eager to listen to another person and support them."

But now the piece is awkward and too formal. Is there a better solution?

3️⃣ The best solution is to get rid of some if the pronouns at all - not with the help of synonyms though. Look:

"Being genuinely interested in those around is actually more important in communication than being self-centered and self-absorbed. A curious person is eager to listen to others and support them."

The third solution is by far the most elegant. Mind your consistency and see if you really need all those "you/one/people/person."

An awesome #IELTS essay written in my "Writing with New Scientist" course. 💜

The essay was so great when I first checked it that I had to read it several times in order to find something to correct or at least suggest. It's absolutely awesome now - it has academic lexis, hedging, a range of cohesive devices, a sharp focus - all the things you need for a high score. 📝

https://iraluts.blogspot.com/2022/11/ielts-writing-task-2-should-we-avoid-or.html

📈 #IELTS Writing Task 2: (mis)understanding the topic 📈

Sometimes people fail Task Response simply because they misunderstand the topic. Here is one example.

📝 Topic: "In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?"

The paragraph below was written by me, but it closely imitates what was written by a student. What's wrong?

📝 "This is a positive development. One reason for this is that it is very convenient to shop in large shopping malls as people can buy many different items in the same place. On top of that, shopping centers offer a wide range of goods - for example, they can offer the same product by many different brands. This makes it easier for the customers to buy exactly what they need. It is thus beneficial for customers to do their shopping in huge malls."

Basically, the paragraph answers the question, "Why do people shop in malls?" But let's take a closer look at the topic again - what exactly is positive or negative? It's actually "many small shops have closed." You need to say if it's good or bad that small shops have closed - but they aren't featured in the paragraph at all! And the preference for shopping malls is given to you for context - it's not something you should assess as positive or negative.

Now, arguing why small shops closing is a negative development is easy: people lose their businesses, neighborhoods lose their special allure, customers can't buy something small urgently, customers can't buy fresh local produce, etc. But why could this be a positive development? I have some ideas, but do share in the comments.

On my subscription platforms - VK Donut and Boosty - I share not only the model answers I write, but also such explanations and common mistakes.
📈 VK Donut: https://vk.com/donut/iralutse
📈 Boosty: https://boosty.to/irinalutsenko

A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼

Every time I give my CPE writing students a new writing prompt, I also challenge them to using a new technique.

Today we looked at this sentence from a book review on The Guardian: "Perry can undoubtedly be a pain in the backside but in “Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing” he wears his big, bruised heart on his sleeve."

The sentence contains two sides of the same technique: modifying an idiom or a set expression. The real expressions are "a pain in the a**" and "wear your heart on your sleeve."

This is what my students will be trying to implement in their next review. But why? Is it even a useful technique for CPE? If you look at the assessment criteria carefully, you will see this phrasing, "Uses a wide range of vocabulary, including less common lexis, with fluency, precision, sophistication and style." If you think about it, CPE writing is not actually about using sophisticated vocabulary. It's about using vocabulary with sophistication and style. And this is exactly what the technique above will help you do.

Here is the link to the review we used:
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2022/nov/16/friends-lovers-and-the-big-terrible-thing-by-matthew-perry-review-being-chandler-bing

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class 🌼🌼🌼

One comment I've given to several students on their essays that were already great was "add depth."

Have a look at one paragraph answering the question: "In many Western countries narcissism is on the rise. What are the reasons for this?" What kind of "depth" do you think could be added?❓

"This situation arises from two main reasons. One is that Western culture has become more and more encouraging individualism. This is not surprising since the only way to success in the modern ruthlessly competitive world is to be favourably distinguishable from all others with some exceptional talents or skills. As a result, people tend to constantly compare themselves with others and try to prove themselves to be better in every possible way, often overestimating their attractive qualities. The second reason is the shift in parenting styles. Too many parents nowadays are excessively concerned about the drawbacks and potential harm of low self-esteem, and this makes them do their best to nurture the sense of specialty in their children."

The paragraph is already great, but the second reason definitely lacks "depth." What could we add? We could develop the idea of the shift in the parenting styles - when it happened and why. We could also give examples of how parents nurture the sense of being special in their children.

I called this aspect "depth," but in the words of the assessment criteria, it would be "the ideas are fully developed" (IELTS) and "the reader is fully informed" (C2 Proficiency).

I've said it before and I'll say it again - writing is not only about fancy language or my beloved cohesion. It's first and foremost about ideas. 💜

🦩 On the "on the contrary" 🦩

This is one of the most common mistakes I have to correct. Here is the deal: "on the contrary" does not mean "however" or "on the other hand." I repeat - it does not mean that. "On the contrary" means "the opposite of what has just been said is true."

✅ Here are some examples of its correct use. These come from a bunch of dictionaries.
- It is not an idea around which the community can unite. On the contrary, I see it as one that will divide us.
- "People just don't do things like that." "On the contrary, they do them all the time."
- The risk of infection hasn’t diminished – on the contrary, it has increased.
- "It must have been terrible." "On the contrary, I enjoyed every minute of it."

⛔️ Here are some examples of its incorrect use. These were written by me, but they closely imitate what was written by my IELTS students.

Writing task 1
# 1
In Italy, the oldest age group made up the largest proportion of the population in both years. On the contrary, in Yemen, it was the youngest age group.
# 2
CO2 emissions in Italy increased tenfold by 1968, remaining stable for the last ten years. On the contrary, in Sweden, they showed a steady decline, halving by the end of the period.

Writing task 2
# 3
Financial aid to developed countries is bound to be wasted or embezzled. On the contrary, humanitarian aid will be more beneficial, helping to tackle such problems as unemployment and famine.
# 4
Although higher prices may seem to be a good way to encourage people to consume less sugar, this measure cannot change people's genuine desires, and, on the contrary, may have negative effects on people's health.

✅ Here are my re-writes of the incorrect sentences above:

# 1
While in Italy the oldest age group made up the largest proportion of the population in both years, in Yemen it was the youngest age group.
# 2
CO2 emissions in Italy increased tenfold by 1968, remaining stable for the last ten years. However, in Sweden, they showed a steady decline, halving by the end of the period.
# 3
Financial aid to developed countries is bound to be wasted or embezzled. Humanitarian aid, on the other hand, will help to tackle such problems as unemployment or famine and will therefore be more beneficial.
# 4
Although higher prices may seem to be a good way to encourage people to consume less sugar, this measure cannot change people's genuine desires and may even have negative effects on people's health.

Generally, you won't ever need "on the contrary" in Writing Task 1 and hardly ever in Writing Task 2. Because - why would you write something that is not true and then disprove it? In #IELTS, you'll probably write something that is true immediately.

There is no IELTS in Russia, but is there a silver lining?❓

In short, yes. IELTS is still available to us in nearby, visa-free countries. However, it is extremely expensive and time-consuming to take it - you have to take several days off, buy tickets, and book accommodation.

Believe it or not, I see a silver lining here. I hope, maybe, this will make people take preparation more seriously. There is a whole cohort of people who take IELTS many times - by "many" I mean in the region of seven or ten. They are the people who need a certain score for each part - a high score - for emigration or studies. Why do they do that? Because it's cheap and easy, but preparing is long and hard.

In the past, when IELTS cost 14,000-20,000 RUB, many people in St Pete or Moscow could afford to take it every two-three months. So, there were people who instead of investing time into quality preparation, would do just that - take IELTS over and over again hoping for some lifehacks to work and for examiners to finally give them a higher score.

I specifically remember two students like that. They needed very high scores for emigration (getting 8 is no mean feat). Yet, they would come to class every week and answer "No" to all of my questions: "Did you watch that TED talk? Did you write that essay? Did you rewrite your old essay? Did you do anything in English at all?" But then they would ask their own question: "By the way, I read this lifehack on the internet. Would you say it's a good thing to do?" Since they could afford it, they simply kept taking IELTS - and not getting the scores they needed.

These students were by no means an exception. But the stakes have risen. Quality preparation has become more important. Relying on life hacks has become riskier.

How is that for a silver lining? Will IELTS return?❓

A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼

A rewrite that involves reordering ideas and getting rid of comma splices ever-so elegantly.

📝 Original:
"Food is a basic necessity for every living creature. But it is our unique relationship with it that sets mankind apart from the animal kingdom - we don’t simply eat out of instinct, it’s not just the matter of providing nutrients to our bodies, we are emotionally connected to food."

📝 My rewrite:
"Food is a basic necessity for every living creature. But what sets us apart from the animal kingdom is our unique relationship with it. We don’t simply eat out of instinct, nor do we simply provide nutrients to our bodies - we are emotionally connected to food."

Fix 1️⃣
I reordered ideas in the second sentence to put "unique relationship" at the end. What have I achieved? Now "living creature" and "sets us apart from the animal kingdom" are close to each other as they are logically connected. On top of that, "unique relationship" is now closer to the sentence which actually explains the relationship (the last sentence).

Fix 2️⃣
The last sentence in the original had comma splices and lacked parallelism - two clauses began with "we," while one began with "it." In my rewrite, all three begin with "we." The comma splices were fixed with the help of "nor" and a dash.

I love working on such things - they are so subtle. To me, this is what writing is about. 💜

A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼

While most people think CPE writing is about fancy words like "insouciance" or "magnanimous," I think it's about a play on words and extended metaphors.

Today I asked my students to come up with a title that will include a play on words. I provided the foundation for the play - the quote: "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." The article is about the effects of global communications on our cultural identity.

Look at what they came up with on the spot:
1️⃣ One giant leap for mankind - one step back for cultural diversity
2️⃣ One giant leap for mankind, one small step back for identity
3️⃣ One small change for a person, one giant blend for humanity

And here is a version students from an old group came up with:
4️⃣ A giant leap forward for technology, one step back for culture

Isn't this beautiful? Isn't this what real proficiency in writing is? And rest assured, such things are much harder than inserting "magnanimous" into your text - and therefore more valuable! 💜

IELTS One Skill Retake - a great idea? ❓

The idea might soon materialize. But what would be the advantages and disadvantages? Listen to the podcast to find out more.

I will also jump at the chance to recommend the "My IELTS Classroom" podcast by the awesome Shelly and Nick. In their latest episode, they are discussing the possible introduction of the one skill retake option.

https://blog.myieltsclassroom.com/what-is-the-new-ielts-one-skill-retake/

Do modern companies even communicate by email in their everyday practice? They do - very much so. ✉️

What's a good email like? Here are some tips we put into practice in our latest "Writing Incubator" workshop by Anastasia Glebova:

1. Get the Ask Clear: what is it you want?
2. Write for Your Reader: what's in it for the reader?
3. Start Strong and Specific: say what you want right off the bat.
4. Be Concise:
- Watch for passive voice (X is done by Y → Y does X)
- Watch for prepositional phrases (in many circumstances → often)
- Watch for nominalizations (reach an agreement→ agree)
- Consider rewriting sentences that begin with there is, there are, it is.
5. Delete Extraneous Content: does the reader really need to know all those tiny little details?
6. Write in Plain English: watch for buzzwords that have little meaning.
7. If Something Feels Wrong, Fix It: check for confidentiality, tone, punctuation etc.

As a person who has a lot of written communication, I can say one thing for sure: a well-written email/message has the potential to give you what you need, while a badly-written one can leave you with a "No" or no answer at all. 💌

Suggested reading:
1. Brown L. "The Only Business Writing Book You'll Ever Need" (the source of the wonderful tips above)
2. Payal M. "Better Communication for Managers"
3. Newport C. "A World Without Email: Reimagining Work in the Age of Overload"
4. How to Write Professional Emails That Get the Results You Want https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-write-professional-email-examples
5. An Editor's Guide to Writing Ridiculously Good Emails https://www.themuse.com/advice/an-editors-guide-to-writing-ridiculously-good-emails

Next workshop: 20 November. 📅
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_4475973%2Fquery

❓Is it worth having each of your #IELTS writing answers assessed in the exam format to track your progress? ❓

I don't think so. Why not?

The way IELTS assessment works is you can't progress to the next score after one work or a small number of works.

If your current level is 6 and your target is 7, you might think the journey will be short because 6 and 7 are right next to each other. But they are, in fact, months of hard work apart. How come?

Let's take grammar (aka "Grammatical Range and Accuracy"). Band 6 means you use a mix of simple and complex structures. Band 7 means you use a variety of complex structures. If you could use a variety of structures, you would be doing it already. If you aren't doing it, it means you can't and you need to master it. This will take time simply because "variety" means "many different structures" and "many different" anything cannot be possibly mastered quickly. So chances are if you got 6 for grammar today, you will also get 6 tomorrow.

The same is true for lexis (aka "Lexical Resource"). In LR, you need to use a range of vocabulary and less common lexical items. Again, if you could do it, you would be doing it already. If you aren't, you need to learn that range. OK, which lexis exactly do you need to learn? Well, lexis is a bottomless abyss. Plus, each topic requires new lexis. Say, you learn "have an innate ability" and "are predisposed to" and you use them masterfully in your essay about learning languages. But then the next essay is about the environment. So suddenly your previous lexis is useless, and you need new lexis, which you don't have at your disposal. Again, you got 6 today and you will get 6 tomorrow.

As a result, each assessment will likely be more or less the same for some time.

But! There is one crucial "but" - if you keep getting the same score every class, it doesn't mean you aren't progressing! Maybe you've learned a new grammar structure or a new lexical item - those don't give you 7 immediately, but they are a step towards 7. The journey to 7 will consist of many small steps rather than one giant lifehack. (And the higher score you need, the longer the journey.)

So, no, I don't think frequent assessments are a good idea. The way IELTS scores work is there is no one thing that will immediately take you to the next band. Each criterion will take a combination of things which cannot be mastered all at once. At the same time, progress might still be happening even if you get 6666 for four essays in a row. It's just that the progress will be too small for the IELTS system to discern it.

Detailed assessments are definitely a good idea. But how frequent should they be?❓

A common IELTS Writing Task 2 mistake 📝📝📝

Scrutinize the following sentences from our students' essays and think about what the mistake might be.

1. "For example, it could be difficult to make a correct and clear machine translation for idioms and proverbs, because software could translate word by word, which could be wrong."
2. "It is likely people believe that universities can give fundamental knowledge."
3. "Additionally, it might be thought that studying at university or college might benefit in the future."

The mistake is over-hedging, i.e. using hedging excessively or even unnecessarily. Hedging is used in academic writing to sound cautious or uncertain and is necessary to leave space for alternative opinions. For example, you might say, "it might not be necessary to learn languages any more as translation software is very advanced now" or "a formal degree might not longer be a prerequisite for getting a good job" because you know that some people will disagree and it's not always the case anyway.

But some things don't require hedging even in academic writing - some things are just facts or common knowledge. But even if you want to leave space for uncertainty, one word for that is enough.

Here are my re-writes of the sentences above:
1. Machine translation of idioms and proverbs is often erroneous because machines translate them word-for-word.
2. Many people believe that universities give fundamental knowledge.
3. Additionally, some people might think studying at university or college is beneficial for their future.

Do hedge, but don't over-hedge. 💪

A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class - a case of improved cohesion 🌼🌼🌼

📝 Original:

"The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. Business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness, in their attempts to make people succumb to temptation and buy."

There seems to be little cohesion between the sentences: one sentence ends with profits and the next one begins with advertising. Of course, the ideas are connected - businesses sell and obtain profits with the help of advertising. But why don't we add specific words to connect the ideas?

📝 Suggested fixes:

1️⃣ "The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. It's for this purpose that business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness."

2️⃣ "The more businesses sell, the more profits they obtain. In their attempts do that and make people buy as much as possible, business owners pour money in smart advertising campaigns full of enticing images and slogans, promising no less than happiness."

Can you think of other fixes? 🧐