A glimpse of my "Writing with New Scientist" class 🌼🌼🌼

One comment I've given to several students on their essays that were already great was "add depth."

Have a look at one paragraph answering the question: "In many Western countries narcissism is on the rise. What are the reasons for this?" What kind of "depth" do you think could be added?❓

"This situation arises from two main reasons. One is that Western culture has become more and more encouraging individualism. This is not surprising since the only way to success in the modern ruthlessly competitive world is to be favourably distinguishable from all others with some exceptional talents or skills. As a result, people tend to constantly compare themselves with others and try to prove themselves to be better in every possible way, often overestimating their attractive qualities. The second reason is the shift in parenting styles. Too many parents nowadays are excessively concerned about the drawbacks and potential harm of low self-esteem, and this makes them do their best to nurture the sense of specialty in their children."

The paragraph is already great, but the second reason definitely lacks "depth." What could we add? We could develop the idea of the shift in the parenting styles - when it happened and why. We could also give examples of how parents nurture the sense of being special in their children.

I called this aspect "depth," but in the words of the assessment criteria, it would be "the ideas are fully developed" (IELTS) and "the reader is fully informed" (C2 Proficiency).

I've said it before and I'll say it again - writing is not only about fancy language or my beloved cohesion. It's first and foremost about ideas. 💜