A glimpse of my "C2 Proficiency Writing" class 🌼🌼🌼

A rewrite that involves reordering ideas and getting rid of comma splices ever-so elegantly.

📝 Original:
"Food is a basic necessity for every living creature. But it is our unique relationship with it that sets mankind apart from the animal kingdom - we don’t simply eat out of instinct, it’s not just the matter of providing nutrients to our bodies, we are emotionally connected to food."

📝 My rewrite:
"Food is a basic necessity for every living creature. But what sets us apart from the animal kingdom is our unique relationship with it. We don’t simply eat out of instinct, nor do we simply provide nutrients to our bodies - we are emotionally connected to food."

Fix 1️⃣
I reordered ideas in the second sentence to put "unique relationship" at the end. What have I achieved? Now "living creature" and "sets us apart from the animal kingdom" are close to each other as they are logically connected. On top of that, "unique relationship" is now closer to the sentence which actually explains the relationship (the last sentence).

Fix 2️⃣
The last sentence in the original had comma splices and lacked parallelism - two clauses began with "we," while one began with "it." In my rewrite, all three begin with "we." The comma splices were fixed with the help of "nor" and a dash.

I love working on such things - they are so subtle. To me, this is what writing is about. 💜