🎄IELTS writing: idea development 🎄

When it comes to the development of the idea, how do you identify what's missing or what's undeveloped? Let me show you an example.

📝 Topic: "Some people believe that women should be able to join their country’s army and police forces. Others think that only men should be allowed to work in these areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

📝 Student's original paragraph:
"On the one hand, it is reasonable to limit police and army prospective employees to male ones only. By doing so, these institutions would be more likely to employ stronger and more endurable people due to the fact that men have more muscle and bone mass. In addition, men are often more inclined to take risks, presumed by the specifics of work under discussion, including possible violent attacks, injuries, and driving at high speed. Police, army and the society in its turn would therefore benefit from hiring men as they could deliver better performance at tasks working there typically requires."

It's a good paragraph, but to develop the idea even further, we need answers to these questions: 1) What’s good about hiring stronger people only? 2) How will society benefit from police and army hiring men only?

These are not the only ones but some of the most common points that are missing from the idea development: 1) what's good (bad) about a certain thing; 2) who benefits (suffers) and how. 🎄

So, what would you write to further develop the student's paragraph? ❓