🦩 Shifts and inconsistencies in writing 🦩

Take a look at a paragraph written by a student and try to notice what shift or inconsistency I mean.

📝 "When doing something risky, we should always be ready to lose. But I believe that all those reckless risk-takers know the secret: it is the whole process, not the result, that is of the greatest value. Getting out of a comfort zone might teach you who you truly are and help you overcome your fears. Failure makes us more resilient to ever-changing circumstances and adapt at finding multiple routes to your dream destination. And those ready to risk over and over again inevitably get what they wanted (even though it might differ from the initial picture in their mind)."

Did you notice the inconsistency in pronouns? Sometimes it's "we/us," sometimes it's "you." Plus, it's a bit unclear if the test takers are expected to be separated from "us" or not.

📝 My rewrite:
"When doing something risky, we should always be ready to lose. But I believe that all those reckless risk-takers know the secret: it is the process, not the result, that is of the greatest value. And, perhaps, we should learn from them. Getting out of our comfort zone will teach us who we truly are. Failure will make us more resilient and adept at finding multiple routes to the dream destination. But we should also keep in mind that losing is not an inevitable outcome. After all, those taking the risks over and over again inevitably get what they wanted - even if it differs from the initial picture in their mind."

I decided to stick to "we/us" as "you" would be too informal and "people" would be too formal. Plus, I added "And, perhaps, we should learn from them" in order to create a smoother transition from the risk takers to "us."

This inconsistency in pronouns is very common. Make sure to double check them. 📝