Irina Lutsenko: IELTS, writing, cohesion

Live stream started

Live stream finished (2 minutes)

Live stream started

Me doing IELTS speaking live on Telegram

📅 9:45 am Moscow time

📅 every day, 13-20 September

More questions:

1️⃣ If you joined my live stream, can you please drop me a line or a comment here what your experience was.

2️⃣ If you know how to save a live stream on Telegram (if it is at all possible), can you also drop me a line.

Live stream finished (8 minutes)

Live stream started

🌻 Can you worsen your writing by rewriting? 🌻

I typically say that the only way to improve your writing is to rewrite religiously. And I honestly believe in the power of rewriting.

But a student asked me today, "Irina, has this ever happened that by rewriting your piece, you actually made it worse?" It's a great question.

Yes. This has happened.

I often write for my students. I can write quickly. But sometimes what I write quickly is very simple, so I decide to add complexity intentionally to demonstrate a certain grammar structure or a higher band score. And sometimes the result is artificial and ugly. Understanding the difference between elegant complexity and ugly complexity - and, more broadly, between good writing and bad writing - is an important skill. I hope I've mastered it.

The second version is typically better, of course. But "second" is not always "better."

Do you rewrite religiously? Is the second (or the umpteenth) version always better?❓

📝 Yet another post about examples in IELTS essays 📝

First and foremost, what do we need examples for? To illustrate a point. Take a look at the example below from a student's paragraph. What does it illustrate? Does it do that successfully?

📝 "The inability to solve certain issues arising in populations due to insufficient funding can be detrimental. One example of this is the epidemic of HIV, a virus originating in Africa in the past century, which could have been taken under control, if not eradicated, with a timely intervention of international organisations and the local authorities. In the absence of adequate help to the population, the problem quickly became global and continues to be so, despite all the effort of the international community and individual countries."

So what do we want to illustrate (judging by the topic sentence)? How the inability to solve certain issues can be detrimental. But does the example actually contain anything detrimental? Not really. The example illustrates the importance of timeliness. The actual detriment, however, is not exemplified. What would demonstrate the actual detriment would be words like "die, death, suffer, pain" and other negative words.

Suggested rewrite:

📝 "The inability to solve certain issues arising in populations due to insufficient funding can be detrimental. One example of this is the epidemic of AIDS, a disease that remains largely incurable, not only causing millions of deaths worldwide but also subjecting those infected to a life of misery. The disease, however, could have been taken under control, if not eradicated, had sufficient funding been allocated to this purpose timely."

OK, now we have "disease, incurable, death, subjected to a life of misery." This version sounds more "detrimental" than the original.

So make sure the examples illustrate what you want them to illustrate.

📊 A way to avoid repetitions in IELTS Writing Task 1 📊

Take a look at this perfectly correct paragraph written by a student.

📝 "Over half of the budget was spent on salaries for teachers and other workers in all the years. In 1981, the percentage of Teachers’ salaries amounted to 40%, followed by 28% of Other workers’ salaries. A decade later there was a slight change for both categories, with the figure for Teachers’ salaries increasing by 10% and that for Other workers’ salaries going down by 6%. In 2001, the figures for both groups saw a decrease, with 45% and 15% respectively."

It's not a bad technical description, but at high levels even technically correct descriptions might not be very successful. One flaw of the paragraph above, apart from the mechanical feel, is that the names of categories are repeated three times each! The solution to this problem is not synonyms, of course.

My paragraph:

📝 “Teachers’ salaries comprised the largest share in all three years, with the figure varying between 40% and 50%. Other workers’ salaries were the second largest spending category in 1981 and 1991, with 28% and 22% respectively, but the figure almost halved in 2001, becoming the third largest.”

My version is both devoid of repetitions and easier to process because of a different approach to grouping.

Irina Lutsenko: IELTS, writing, cohesion pinned «Fall 2023: new groups (and good old ones). Now enrolling! 🎉 🍁 Writing 1. IELTS writing Several groups, different levels - tons of writing, tons of feedback. https://vk.com/market-47977221?screen=group&w=product-47977221_3696544%2Fquery 2. Writing with New…»

Fall 2023: new groups (and good old ones). Now enrolling! 🎉

🍁 Writing

1. IELTS writing
Several groups, different levels - tons of writing, tons of feedback.
https://vk.com/market-47977221?screen=group&w=product-47977221_3696544%2Fquery

2. Writing with New Scientist
A writing course based on articles from the New Scientist magazine and geared towards IELTS prep. A perfect pre- or post-IELTS course.
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5061302%2Fquery

3. Writing Essentials
A great introductory writing course. You will try different tasks, both from exams and real life, and gain the confidence you need to write.
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5043592%2Fquery

4. Creative Writing
A full-blown creative writing course with an American specialist! The cherry on top is this course is free - all because I won a grant for you! Commitment to write and to complete the course is a must.

🍁 Speaking

1. Speaking with New Scientist (C1+, C2)
A speaking course based on articles from the New Scientist magazine and geared towards IELTS and C2 Proficiency Speaking tasks, but also good for those who have a penchant for deep, meaningful discussions.
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5911089%2Fquery

2. Speaking with TED (C1, C1+)
A speaking course for those who want to make sure their speaking skills are always at the ready, be it for a business meeting or an international exam (IELTS and CAE).
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_5538677%2Fquery

3. "House of Cards" (C1+)
A speaking + lexis course based on this TV show and geared towards exam prep.
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_3547885%2Fquery

🍁 Old groups you can join

1. General English C1: Outcomes Advanced
https://vk.com/market-47977221?w=product-47977221_6185850%2Fquery

2. C2 Proficiency
This is more of a general English course with some exam preparation rather than an exam format based course. Flipped classroom. Lots of additional materials. Now doing "Expert Proficiency" Unit 5.
Schedule: Friday 16:00-17:30 MSK.

🎉 All enrollments are now open.

The enrollment process looks like this:
1. I'll ask you to tell me a bit about yourself in a private message. Questions might include: What is your experience of learning English? What is your experience of writing? Have you taken IELTS? What are your course expectations?
2. If you want to enroll in a writing group, I'll give you a placement task. For most groups, it's an IELTS-like essay.
3. We'll schedule an interview.

💌 Message me @iraluts

🇺🇸 A creative writing course with an American specialist 🇺🇸

To make this happen I had to win a grant, but I did, so you get to take the course for free! 🎉

Tentative syllabus (subject to minor changes):
- Narrative Writing (Dialogue, Monologue, Setting, Character, Figurative Language, Personification, Scene)
- Getting ‘Cozy’ with Crafting Poetry (Ideas, Images/Sensory Details, Sounds, different types of Poems)
- Essay Writing (Personal Statements/Essay with Attitude/Analysis Essay)

Additional topics could be different genres/writing forms (travel writing, TV Scripts) or a more in-depth look at teaching techniques, anchor texts, stylistic devices, etc.

Each unit will include example texts and analysis of literary elements to inspire our own writing. Writing activities will be followed by an in-class Read Around, where we read our drafts to the class, notice what we each did well, and gain inspiration for our writing revision process. Additionally, we will examine the teaching strategies and explore how to adapt to your own teaching contexts. In particular, we will focus on approaches to providing writing feedback to students, the Read Around, and analyzing anchor texts.

📅
Schedule: Monday 16:30-18:00 MSK
Course duration: 14 weeks
Starting date: 11 September

❗️❗️❗️
- Limited number of places, admissions on a competitive basis
- Compulsory attendance
- Certificate upon successful completion.
- Only for teachers working in Russia.
- Commitment to complete is a must!!!

There are a few places left.

Message me @iraluts 💌

📊 IELTS Writing Task 1: CC case study and paragraph makeover 📊

Take a look at a paragraph below. What do you think is wrong in terms of CC?

🗒 "The categories that saw an increase over 60 years were housing, transport and leisure. The weekly percentage spent on leisure increased substantially, jumping from 9% in 1968 to 22% in 2018. Housing weekly expenses had a twofold increase, from 10% to 19%. The same is true for the transportation expenses, which, after doubling, amounted to 14% of the families’ weekly income in 2018."

What's wrong is that the order of categories in the first sentence is not the same as it is further in the text. But it should be (for hyper-systemizers and pattern-seekers like myself).

So in this specific case the first sentence should read: "The categories that saw an increase over 60 years were leisure, housing and transportation."

It's easier to process a text if the order of ideas (= categories in W1) is the same, so this change is an absolute must.

Further changes might include: 1) Not repeating the names of the categories at all; 2) Joining the categories with the same change into on sentence; 3) Going from a smaller change to a bigger one and pointing this out specifically.

🗒 My re-write:
"Expenditures on three categories saw an increase over 60 years. The figures for Transport and Housing almost doubled, with the former making up 14% and the latter 18% in 2018. The proportion spent on Leisure demonstrated a larger growth, constituting 9% in the first given year and reaching 22% in the final year."

(‼️ This post is based on IELTS 17 Test 3 but does not fully reflect it. It is only meant to draw attention to a certain CC mistake.)

🏆 IELTS General Training 8.5! 🏆

This is our student's awesome result from today! 🧡

Teacher: Anna Skopina
Time: 14 classes (about two months)
Breakdown: R9 L9 W7.5 S7.5, Overall 8.5

Anna shares the preparation strategy for this student.

To achieve such great results:

1️⃣ We worked on the format and the structure of both writing tasks. We paid attention to the differences between formal and informal letters so that a letter to a friend sounded genuinely informal and not like a job application or an e-mail to a company manager. We also analyzed the differences between types of essays, which helped the student to answer the question precisely.

2️⃣ We worked on ideas, making sure that they were well-developed and relevant to the question. Coming up with ideas was easy in this case because this student reads a lot of popular science articles and news in English, which goes to show how much IELTS is connected to the real world and how important it is to be aware of what is happening.

3️⃣ We studied phrases and sentence structures which can be used in both writing and speaking for different purposes, such as to show cause-effect connection, speculate about the future or compare and contrast. For example:
- In many countries buying an apartment is so expensive that it is not an option for the majority of people.
- If people like what they study, they are bound to make faster progress.
- Rather than writing everything you need immediately, take some time to plan, even if you are in an exam and don’t have much time.

Of course, this result was only possible because the student’s level was already C1 and because he put in the hard work. We are very proud of him! 🧡

🦩 IELTS Writing Task 2: idea development 🦩

Idea development is what many IELTS writers struggle with. Today, I'll share a student's paragraph with valid but underdeveloped ideas and some notes on possible development.

Topic: "Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can older people be encouraged to exercise regularly?"

🦩 Student's original paragraph:

There are two main reasons why older adults do not exercise. Firstly, many feel that they have to be quite careful about the way they spend their money. In view of the cost of living crisis, they are not ready to pay for various sports programs as they may have other more urgent items to invest into. Secondly, those over 60 are often quite apprehensive about exercising regularly which happens due to their fear of getting injured and exacerbating their typically fragile state of health.

🦩 Possible development:

1️⃣ The first reason is on the abstract side, so it's true for people of all ages. Some ideas to develop this argument further:

- Older people no longer have an income as they are retired. Their pensions are low.
- We can give the reader a feeling of how expensive a gym membership might seem. We could say something like "A gym membership typically costs a quarter (a third? a half?) of an average pension in Russia." (I actually don't know how expensive gym memberships are.)
- We see this in the paragraph: "other more urgent items to invest into." We absolutely need to add - items such as what?

These idea not only expand the argument, but also make it specifically true for older people.

2️⃣ The second reason is valid, but it's only one sentence long! Some ideas to develop the argument further:

- Why are they afraid to get injured? Maybe because they associate exercising with rigorous exercising (such as?). Maybe they are also afraid that if they exercise in a group, the activities will be targeted at younger people and will therefore be rigorous.
- Why are might they exacerbate their health? Maybe the recovery from rigorous exercising or from injuries will be long and painful.

These are just some ideas to explore the topic in depth. More ideas? Share in the comments.

📝 IELTS Writing Task 2: a paragraph rewrite 📝

Topic: "Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others, however, believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

📝 Student's original paragraph:

On the one hand, every person has a unique body and knows what is best for them. Since all people have different medical conditions and are predisposed to particular ones, they should decide what to eat and how to be treated. Allergies, chronic conditions, and inherited disorders, to name but a few, are the conditions that need to be taken into account, and this is viable only when each person cares about their own health. If one scheme is prescribed to all people, it is likely to eliminate the differences, which might in turn worsen a particular individual's condition. It is therefore reasonable for every person to take care of their health.

📝 My rewrite:

I am convinced that the responsibility should lie with each individual as each one has a unique body and therefore knows what is best for them. The unique personal conditions that impact what people eat or what well-being practices they pursue include but are not limited to allergies, inherited disorders, and chronic pains. Taking these into account is only viable if done on a personal level as the government cannot possibly know, let alone write universal regulations for millions of different cases. In fact, if one scheme was prescribed to all people, it would likely worsen a particular individual's condition. It is thus reasonable for every person to take care of their health.

Fixes: clarity of the position in the first sentence, cohesion and the overall flow.

📚 My writing guides - my lodestars 📚

This post is a reply to this message:

"Irina, good afternoon! Thank you for your post! It would be really-really nice if you could share the list of the style guides here that you find most useful for yourself or most remarkable. I know only "Style. The basics of Clarity and Grace" by Joseph Williams."

📚 These two are my top two writing guides:
1. "The Little, Brown Handbook" (H. Ramsey Fowler, Jane E. Aaron)
2. "Cambridge Grammar of English" (Ronald Carter, Michael McCarthy)

These books have a lot of technical and detailed explanations. If I have a specific question and these two don't help, I google. I am very careful with the sources though - I only trust the websites of big newspapers, universities, and publishing houses.

📚 And then there are these two nice books:
3. "On Writing Well" (William Zinsser)
4. "The Elements of Eloquence" (Mark Forsyth)

But these are not reference books. "On Writing Well" is about the principles of writing non-fiction. "The Elements of Eloquence" is about stylistic devices, which can be used in both fiction and non-fiction, but definitely not in academic writing.

The recommendation in the message is also a great one. Any other recommendations? Share in the comments. 📝