📊 A way to avoid repetitions in IELTS Writing Task 1 📊

Take a look at this perfectly correct paragraph written by a student.

📝 "Over half of the budget was spent on salaries for teachers and other workers in all the years. In 1981, the percentage of Teachers’ salaries amounted to 40%, followed by 28% of Other workers’ salaries. A decade later there was a slight change for both categories, with the figure for Teachers’ salaries increasing by 10% and that for Other workers’ salaries going down by 6%. In 2001, the figures for both groups saw a decrease, with 45% and 15% respectively."

It's not a bad technical description, but at high levels even technically correct descriptions might not be very successful. One flaw of the paragraph above, apart from the mechanical feel, is that the names of categories are repeated three times each! The solution to this problem is not synonyms, of course.

My paragraph:

📝 “Teachers’ salaries comprised the largest share in all three years, with the figure varying between 40% and 50%. Other workers’ salaries were the second largest spending category in 1981 and 1991, with 28% and 22% respectively, but the figure almost halved in 2001, becoming the third largest.”

My version is both devoid of repetitions and easier to process because of a different approach to grouping.