Texas still explaining the life expectancy gap.

Twice a year in Saint Jo, Rednecks with Paychecks sends grown adults down a muddy hill in kids’ Barbie Jeeps. No motor. Just gravity, plastic, and a $5,000 prize if you finish with the car. Record’s under 5 seconds. Most runs end in pink shrapnel.

Don’t try this at home. Pros only. These finely tuned athletes trained their whole lives for this. Also yes, ladies send it too. The smart ones watch from the bank and keep their teeth.

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