Working through feelings now that I identify as ace

I realised doing some reading online during Pride month this year that I am ace. Romantic, sex-positive (tolerant?), and hypothetically heterosexual. What I mean by that is that it feels like if I were to experience sexual attraction it would be to the opposite sex, it is just that this never happens. If I were single it probably would not be a big deal, but being as I am married and have been with my partner for over half of my life, I am having a real crisis.


I have started therapy with a queer-friendly therapist, but I am struggling in this space where I don't feel like I know myself or my life, and I don't know how to be in my relationship now that I suddenly have this knowledge of myself. It feels like I am a robot pretending to be a human who only recently learned that they aren't actually human after all. Sexual interactions with my spouse feel mechanical and like I am observing from the outside.


I also don't feel comfortable talking with anyone in real life yet, but I desperately crave a connection with people who understand what this is like. I would love to have an actual conversation with a human in a similar position, and in real life I know no one who identifies as ace. Hell, until last month I had never seen an ace character in a movie or in a book, and barely had heard of the word. It just feels so isolating.


I suppose I am trying to work through what to feel about this but don't know how to do it. I'm open to any stories of how others navigated similar waters.

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