Ace and theoretically hetero and homoromantic?

I (F) have always considered myself heterosexual. I have an active imagination and have never been excited by the idea of being with a woman. I like reading romance/smut and F-F stories don't do it for me at all, and are in fact slightly repulsive. I had one sexual experience with a woman that didn't excite me, so I figured I wasn't lesbian and therefore was heterosexual.

After spending time on this community and reading the resources on AVEN and other websites, I realise now that I have never really been sexually attracted to men either. I love the attention of men, the feel of being considered special, I adore physical touch and cuddling, caresses. I excused the lack of actual sexual desire as either low libido on my part and/or just not being with "the right one", which was okay because other aspects of relationships were more important like emotional compatibility. I feel strongly that I COULD be attracted to the right man, I have just never been with anyone who did that for me. Hence considering myself theoretically heterosexual.


I've been reading the book recommended by someone here called Ace by Angela Chen which was been a real eye-opener. She has a chapter that talks about platonic romantic love (among other things) which really made me think. I had a fairly short and very intense friendship when I was a teenager with another girl that, looking back on it, has all of the hallmarks of a romance minus any sexual attraction whatsoever. Of course I didn't have that language back then, but I remember thinking to myself somewhat amusedly that it felt like falling in love though it seemed clear to me at the time that it couldn't possibly be the case. The intense friendship came on quickly and was all-consuming.

Anyway, this all leads me with lots of questions and no answers. I wonder if anyone else has found themselves in a similar position? I would have never guessed that sexuality could be so damn complex and difficult to discern.

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