I'm tired of being constantly slut shamed by my mother as an asexual girl in 12th grade.

TW: Mentions of abuse, neglect, SA (didn't actually happen but my mom says stuff related to that to scare me)

My family is abusive and neglectful, for as long as I can remember. My phone has been my only respite from all the troubles of everyday life. And for quite a while, my mom has been slutshaming me regularly.

Some things my mom did:

1) Regularly slut shamed me saying I'll run off with a (sometimes adds the word 'Muslim' because she's Islamophobic) guy and either have s3x with him (sorry I can't tolerate being sexualized in any way so I have to censor it for peace of mind) and he abandons me or else have 8 kids with him or some other arbitrary number. She says she will marry me off to a stranger at 18 frequently when I want to go to college. She did this today too and I'm so tired and disgusted by it.

Fact is, I've been a sex averse asexual person since the age of 12, I've only ever had one relationship in my life which is my current relationship where I've never done anything more than hold hands or kiss, me and my bf don't even know how to makeout and I've known him for 4-5 years but started dating this year. My mom also knows him but doesn't know he's my bf.

2) Accuses me of trying to attract guys, even says I'm trying to attract old men who work as hawkers or drivers or something, because I wore 'tight' clothes (just clothes that fit me, often even big for me) or because I wore a padded bra so my chest doesn't show too much through thin shirts.

3) Accuses me of sleeping around (they don't let me out of the house without permission) or says I'll do it in the future (for no reason, I've never once shown interest in any guy in front of them or even mentioned it).

4) At one point, when I was even younger, around 15 maybe, she used to say she's gonna put me in an orphanage where guards routinely r@pe inhabitants (guess who the inhabitants are?). Sorry, I can't even call them anything but that, because of how vile all of this is, coming from a mother.

5) Has sent pictures of me half naked to my school counsellor (she's a woman), when I was in 10th grade (15 yo), no private parts were shown but I was naked except wearing underwear.

6) Whenever I ask to go outside to hangout with friends once in a while (3-6 months) she says they'll SA me or if it's someone's house then they'll SA me (even though their whole family including female family members will be at home) but never says this to my younger sister.

7) Never bought me proper undergarments like a bra, just buys any cheap stuff she can find off the street which isn't even my size. Then she complains I steal her bras because I have nothing to wear. When I was in 8th grade I was forced to wear sports bras that were WAY too small for me and wearing them genuinely restricted my breath and was a struggle.

There is obviously more but at the moment I can't remember anything, I am genuinely sick and tired of this bs, it is detrimental to my mental health which is already hanging on by a thread. I'm at a really precarious time when college admissions are coming nearer and I absolutely need to escape. I just can't deal with all this stress.

I keep thinking of coming out just to end all of this once and for all but I live in a highly conservative country. I have no idea if they'll even understand what asexuality is or how they'll react or what they'll do after that or if they'll accept it. I know coming out isn't the best idea but I just want all of this to stop, I'm tired of being slut shamed all the time, it's draining and exhausting.

https://redd.it/1x34b54
@asexualityonreddit