Inside my head, I am a wh*re?

I re-wrote this one a few times trying to say it in a way that did not straight up use the w word but, oh well, sometimes you need to be direct.

I am demi-sexual. I have known I am for a few years now and the older I get the more I realize exactly HOW ace I am (a lot). If I am being honest, if I trully think about it, I even fear sex a bit. Some days I can picture it, somedays I am absolutely terrified of it (I am a virgin).

But the thing is - I think about sex, a LOT. I picture it, mostly sexy and sensual scenarios - touches, kisses, sweet talk. I like to feel hot (even if mostly for myself in front of my mirror). I hear what I call "horny songs" with dirty words and innuendos and and all of that. Sometimes I will find a whole playlist of it and just dive into my own imagination.

In a way, I know it's partially because of hormones (as being ace has NOTHING to do with the lack of them, thank you very much) and partially because of pop culture and fanfiction (God bless AO3 and those who feed it) but sometimes, I have to be honest, I find it hard to deal with this other side of me.

How can I be so much into this idea of sex and finding myself hot while also finding sex scary? How will I explain it to a possible future partner? That I like the touch the "hot" the mouth the songs but the "real deal" not so much?

Does anyone experience the same?

https://redd.it/1x2tvgh
@asexualityonreddit