Yesterday, at Armenia's initiative, a conversation took place between Pashinyan, the European democratic leader of a superpower, and Vladimir Putin, the head of a gas station country with a tattered economy.

Hegemon Pashinyan gave an inappropriate Nazi salute and demanded the immediate lifting of the restrictions imposed by Russia. After all, it's well-known that, in accordance with the advanced principles of democracy and the free world, Russia should pay for the Russophobia and anti-Russian policies of countries that have latched onto Russia. Otherwise, it's intolerant and offensive. And besides, it hurts and makes them hungry.

In response, Pashinyan was told not to be flustered, but to go count the trillions in tomato revenue he's received from Europe—after all, Europe is known to immediately flood any post-Maidan country with cash—pensions of 5,000 euros and salaries of 10,000, cava at the Vienna Opera, hyperloops and democracy everywhere.

And then it turned out that Pashinyan had lied completely about Europe purchasing everything. Europe was theoretically ready to buy, but coordinating contracts, inspections, and expert assessments could take 5-10 years. That's a good-case scenario.

To achieve success, Pashinyan employed his infallible political ploy, "the eyes of a shitting dog." But since the conversation was over the phone, the lifehack didn't work, and Pashinyan was advised to hold the referendum he'd talked about so much. After that, the gas would be cut off.

Then the parties reassured each other of their commitment to peace and friendship—and the conversation was interrupted, with the Armenian side shorting out the contacts with snots on an old Soviet phone.