The Let Them Theory

Sometimes we plan which book to read. And sometimes the book we need just finds us.

That's exactly how I got "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins. I went to the bookshop and saw this green-covered book on multiple stands. I bought it a bit spontaneously. And for me it was the right book at the right time.

So what is this book about? It's about interaction between people.

The theory is very simple and consists of 2 parts:
✅ Let Them. All human beings have a hardwired need for control. But the truth is that the only person we are in control of is ourselves. Our actions, our feelings, our reactions. Other people will do what they want to do. As Mel writes in the book: "Instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage or please other people, just Let Them." Let them have their own reactions, express their own opinions, make their own mistakes.
✅ Let Me. We cannot change and control other people, but we can change our reactions to their behavior. It's a choice to be proactive and get opportunities that we want.

The book has a really good metaphor for the whole theory. Imagine that situations and people around you are like a weather. We cannot change it but we can adapt to it - get warmer clothes, take the umbrella, or just stay at home. It's our power to choose how to respond.

If the theory is so simple and consists only of Let Them and Let Me, what are the other 300 pages about? The author applies this theory to many different life situations from an annoying coughing passenger sitting next to you on a plane to breaking up with the partner.

"The more you allow people to live their lives, the better your life will get" - the author writes.
The book helps us to understand and build healthier internal boundaries, stop wasting energy expecting other people to behave as we want.
I would say the book teaches adults to be adults.

The whole theory sounds a bit counterintuitive if we think about how to apply it at work. There is a separate guideline on applying The Let Them Theory in leadership. I will write about that in the next post.

#booknook #softskills #communications