Читала в классе сегодня вот это. Не роман. Просто дневниковая заметка. Жизнь сейчас настолько интенсивная, что писать стало прямо сложно.

"Hope"

I'm sitting on a balcony at a small round coffee-table. I like to think that I'm writing, while in reality, I am not. I'm sitting motionless staring at nothing in particular. Down below lies the whimsical geometry of rooftops, mishmash of colors, scattering all the way to the seashore. I melt in my chair, letting the afternoon heat possess me, and slow my thoughts down, as I watch patches of stray clouds wandering in the clear blue sky until they disappear beyond the horizon. I like to think that I'm writing. I am not. I'm sitting still. I am still. I am soaking up all the stillness that I can afford. If it costs me my writing regimen, I let it happen.

Ever since my big journey started, I've lost my writing passion, it seems. I barely feel like writing fiction these days. For some reason, making the liquid wobbly words emerge out of my head and landing them on a piece of something permanent takes enormous effort. I mean, I post to my blog daily, but nothing more than that. My novel's on standby, as are other creative projects.

I always thought travel bloggers have it easy, you know? They're living their best lives, I thought. All this glamorous lifestyle with coconut palm trees, and sandy beaches, and midnight shark hunts, and bargaining in the markets, and finding reasonable accommodations, and maybe ending up sleeping under the stars. Ah! The romance of it! I never imagined it could be a real job. But it is a job. For real. It takes some courage, and lots and lots of stamina, just to experience this much novelty every single day and not burn out from the intensity. Let alone, write about it. Now this, I must admit, wasn't something I could've foreseen. Losing my ability to put words on a string, one word after another, was never the plan. It's not that I'm complaining, I mean, I'm living my life to the fullest! The world is buzzing around me. My ADHD brain can have all of the sweet stimulation by the simple fact of being in a foreign country! Something as banal as shopping for meat and veggies feels exciting! My blog's thriving! New people subscribe every day. How the hell did they find me, I wonder. No, seriously, I mean, I write about where I sleep and what I eat, and people enjoy reading about that?

Yeah, yeah, that's cool and all, but. . . . What about dragons? Spaceships? Elves? Orcs? Aliens? Alien elf-orcs on a dragon-fighter spaceship? Come on, guys, I need my magic back! I take my pen up from the table and open my notebook. One word. I just need one word and it'll take me there. I hope.

#StarpunkWriting
#writers_ramble