A British man has been arrested under the Terrorism Act 2000 after being found with a haul of books by banned author Sally Rooney. The man was stopped by counter-terrorism police while driving a Ford Transit through Stoke, listening to Macklemore. It’s unclear why they didn’t shoot him on the spot.

A search of his vehicle found 15 copies of the terrorist manifesto “Normal People” in a rucksack. It’s believed he intended to distribute those books to impressionable locals who could be duped into thinking that reading is a good idea.

Andy Burnham has explained Iran was definitely behind the attack, even though he has no evidence to support this claim. Thankfully, the suspect has not been released on bail because we can’t have police undermining the narrative again. It’s clear that Iran plans to nick our diesel and flood the UK with illegal books.

As the UK is a freedom-loving democracy, we literally never ban books unless we have no choice. You can even buy a copy of Hitler’s book in Waterstones, but to be fair, those ideas aren’t far off our current foreign policy.

It shows just serious a threat Rooney poses to national security that we’ve been forced to ban her books. Yes, those books have nothing to do with Palestine Action, and yes, she isn’t bound by British laws when expressing opinions in Ireland, but that’s beside the point.

Rooney is understood to be a key figure in the European wing of Hamas, along with the rap group known as “Kneecap”. She has publicly supported extremist grandmas who hold up signs the government doesn’t like and she once liked an Instagram post from Ms Rachel.

If we listened to people like Rooney, this genocide would be over by now and parts of Gaza would still be intact. It’s a good job our government is standing up to this monster. A formal extradition request has been made, and if Ireland doesn’t comply, we will identify terror tunnels under every building in Dublin. The sooner the better, I say.

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@SimurghRes