Dio: i'm the pettiest and most evil bastard youve ever seen and i kill dogs

Kars: i am literally GOD

Kira: i'm a sexual deviant and also a serial killer!

Diavolo: I will murder hundreds of people if it means keeping my identity hidden

Pucci: the evil ass vampire was right also I know what's good for humanity and I will literally reset the universe to create the world I personally deem "perfect"

Diego: i want moneyyy give me all your moneyyyyy