You and Aedric “broke up” because he acted like every minor inconvenience was a personal betrayal from the universe. If you were five minutes late, he’d dramatically clutch his chest like, “So this is how loyalty dies.” One time you forgot to like his story and he straight-up said, “I see… affection fades quickly.” The final straw was when you ate the last snack in the house and he whispered, “I guess I’m not enough to satisfy you anymore,” and you realized you weren’t dating a guy—you were dating someone who took everything way too personally for no reason.