Sadderdaze

Because every time I look at him, I remember the person I've become, the person I tried so hard not to let consume me, but it did anyway.

Now I hope my dream man is never like him.

My dream man was someone like my dad.

He was very special to me once.

I'm always the one with the anger issues.

I'm always the one to blame.

I don't think he ever truly listened to my problems. He just wanted me to follow his methods to "fix me."

And going back to when things were better between us, when I opened up about everything

Now I hate every single thing I've been compared to him about. I hate every trait people point out that reminds them of him.

When I was younger, I used to copy everything he did just to be told I was just like him.

He turned me into that nervous, anxious, and depressed version of myself during the years I should have been happy, going out, living. I've never had a birthday hangout with my friends. I've never had fun. He made me become everything I was afraid of becoming. And sadly, I'm still that girl trying to impress her dad, because no one else seems to be impressed by me. No one seems to like me the way I am.

Having an inconsiderate dad is truly exhausting. He only loves me when I obey him, when I get good marks. I don't think the weight I carried to earn that love ever mattered to him. And what's worse is that now I'm caged, always trying to impress him. He wants me to be something remarkable, but I'm just in a phase where I'm trying to figure out who I am.