𝙹𝚄𝙻𝚈 𝟸𝟶

I feel extreme loneliness, but I love it. I love being alone, hearing no voice and nothing except my own. Perhaps I've gone mad, but it's a beautiful thing; I love solitude. There is nothing beautiful in life. I don't know why people live, why they try, why they want everything, why they become resentful and greedy, and why they try to be the best person.
​No one is better than anyone else; every person knows something the other doesn't, and everyone has their own knowledge. Life is a battle, and I want to watch the battle from afar without interfering in anything; I just want peace. Everything else is fake. Peace might finally come to me one day, but only when I am dead.

​"I am an empty person inside, and today especially I feel a massive void. I feel a longing for death; all my dreams are about my own death, and every single day I dream of a new way I die. I feel a yearning for death and to end everything. I have lost my passion for everything and I hate life. I wish I were in a prison rather than my room; prison is freedom compared to where I am.
​I know I am a bad person and I have wronged you, but I want to change, I want it so badly, yet I don't know how. I have fallen into a deep well that I cannot climb out of, I have wished for my death thousands of times, and I don't care about life.
​I love some people, but they don't understand me, and I don't know how to convey my true love to them. Words can sometimes be fake, except for the people I love; I love thinking in terms of genuine words. I truly wish, even if I die, that you all have a beautiful life. You are truly my loved ones, and I want a good life for you; I hope you live in peace. I wish this for everyone, especially the people I cared about so deeply and those I loved one day. Even if there was a problem between us before, please know that I have forgotten it and forgiven you, and I hope you forgive me for any moments of anger, because nothing is worth it. I wish a beautiful life for everyone, I love you all.
​This is an expression of my current state; I am not thinking about or planning suicide, I am just waiting for the day of my passing out of pure curiosity to see what will happen.

I hate this fake world; everything in it is fake, pretending to have honor and religion while being a prostitute—this is so frustrating. I don’t like someone who claims to be honest while he is a liar, nor do I like a friend who only reaches out to me when he needs something; he’s just an opportunist. I hate this strange life; it has no meaning or passion, nothing in it except some foolish people. All I want is a genuinely honest human being

I need to tell you something, and I need you to listen to me with your whole heart, without any misunderstandings. Look, I’m not going to pretend to be a saint, and I'm definitely not bowing down to anyone, but what I feel for you is a fierce, consuming, unyielding kind of love. It’s an absolute possession—the kind where my soul is tangled so tightly with yours that the very thought of losing you suffocates me.
​Every single word I say comes from a place of pure honesty. I know that sometimes the things I do or the way I pull away might feel wrong, and I hate myself for it. I don't want to lose you, not for a single second, but I swear to God, I want what's best for you even more than I want my own peace. I look at you and I want you to have a brilliant, beautiful future, far away from any trouble or pain. I can't bear the thought of you settling for less than you deserve, because all these words are still too little compared to what you truly deserve—you deserve so much more.
​Let me be completely honest with you about your beauty—though 'beauty' doesn't even begin to cover it. I don't care about standard definitions of beauty, because to me, it all starts and ends with your eyes. I am utterly ruined by your eyes and your gorgeous, perfectly carved lips. Your gaze does something to my sanity that I can't even explain. And God, when you laugh... even if my day is an absolute disaster, even if my mood is at its darkest and heaviest, the moment I hear or see your laughter, everything shifts. It instantly washes away the gloom and makes my entire day infinitely better. You are breathtakingly gorgeous, and you have this effortless magic that brightens my world no matter how dark it gets.
​Listen to me: no one will ever come close to you. There is no one like you, and there never will be. You have the sweetest style, the purest presence, and to my eyes, you are simply the best.
​And hear this clearly—I never, ever want to see you cry over anyone or anything. It breaks something inside me. The only time tears should ever fall from those gorgeous eyes of yours is out of sheer, overwhelming happiness. Your eyes are far too precious, far too breathtaking for sadness; they don't belong to sorrow.
​So don't ever let what people say get to you. Let them talk, let them judge—none of it matters. You are the best in my eyes, and no matter what happens, I am right here, holding on to you with everything I've got

I’m not trying to look clever, and I’m definitely not trying to play any games with you. The truth is, I’m just tired, and sometimes everything feels way too heavy to carry. I do notice things—I see the details, and I read your messages—but instead of reacting or making a big deal out of them, I chose to look away and ignore the content. Not because I'm cold, but because I didn't have the energy to deal with it, and staying silent felt like the only way to keep things from falling apart

By God, if every star in the sky were plucked and turned into ink, it still wouldn't be enough to write even a fraction of the madness, the infinite adoration, and the eternal obsession I hold for your face. Your eyes are not just eyes; they are two bottomless oceans of divine magic, two sacred galaxies that put every sunrise, every moonlit night, and every wonder of this universe to absolute shame. The moment I look into them, my entire soul shatters and surrenders completely to you. And your hair? Streams of midnight silk, a cascading waterfall of pure temptation that dances like dark fire, framing a face so breathtakingly, unnaturally perfect that it makes time itself stop just to admire you. You are a masterpiece carved by the hands of the gods, a living piece of heaven walking on earth.
​And hear me loud and clear: I am never leaving you. Do you hear me? Never. Even if my body rots away, even if I fall sick to my very bones, even if the world collapses and turns to absolute ash—I will stay right by your side. If I go blind and can no longer see the glory of your face, I will trace your features with my trembling fingertips in the pitch black and still hold you as my entire world. If my legs break, I will crawl across shards of glass just to reach your door. If everyone on earth turns their back on you, I will stand as your army against the entire universe. Even if we have to part ways, even if the universe itself tries to rip us apart, my soul will remain shackled to yours for eternity. I will never let you go, not in this life, nor in a thousand lifetimes after

Out of all the chaos, the heavy silence, and the endless nights where I sit entirely alone with my own demons, you were the only real thing that ever mattered to me. I loved you with a depth that terrified me—a love so raw and absolute that I would have torn the world apart just to keep a single smile on your face. I wanted to be your safe harbor, to absorb every ounce of your exhaustion and carry your pain so your eyes wouldn't have to shed a single tear.
​I tried so hard to be good for you, to fix the broken, toxic parts of myself because you deserved a clean, beautiful life free of trouble. But the truth is, I am ruined. I am a monster wrapped in a soft heart, a person who destroys everything he touches simply by staying close. I am the villain of my own story, haunted by a darkness that never leaves, and no matter how much I tried to wrap you in warmth, my mere presence only brings heaviness.
​Look at me—at this mess, at this twisted, broken soul. I am toxic, and staying with me is a slow poison. You deserve a new life, a happy life far away from my chaos, my mood swings, and the endless void inside me. I am setting you free not because I stopped loving you, but because I love you far too much to let my darkness swallow you whole. Run away from me. Let me be the bad guy, the memory you leave behind so you can finally breathe, heal, and find the peace I was never strong enough to give you

من بين كل الفوضى، والصمت الثقيل، والليالي الطويلة التي أجلس فيها وحيداً تماماً مع شياطيني، كنتِ أنتِ الشيء الحقيقي الوحيد الذي كان يهم حقاً. لقد أحببتكِ بعمق أرعبني—حباً خاماً ومطلقاً لدرجة أنني كنت لأمزق العالم نصفين فقط لتبقى ابتسامة واحدة على وجهكِ. كنت أود أن أكون ميناءك الآمن، أن أمتص كل قطرة إرهاق لديك وأحمل ألمكِ لئلا تذرف عيناكِ دمعة واحدة.
​لقد حاولت جاهدة أن أكون جيداً من أجلكِ، أن أصلح الأجزاء المكسورة والسامة في نفسي لأنكِ تستحقين حياة نظيفة وجميلة خالية من المشاكل. لكن الحقيقة هي أنني محطم. أنا وحش مغلف بقلب حنون، شخص يدمر كل ما يلمسه لمجرد بقائه قريباً. أنا الشرير في قصتي الخاصة، تطاردني عتمة لا تغادر أبداً، ومهما حاولت أن أحيطكِ بالدفء، فإن وجودي المجرد لا جلب سوى الثقل.
​انظري إليّ—إلى هذه الفوضى، إلى هذه الروح المعذبة والمكسورة. أنا سام، والبقاء معي سم بطيء. أنتِ تستحقين حياة جديدة، حياة سعيدة بعيدة عن فوضويتي، وتقلبات مزاجي، والفراغ اللانهائي داخلي. أنا أحرركِ ليس لأنني توقفت عن حبكِ، بل لأنني أحبكِ أكثر بكثير من أسمح لعتمتي بأن تبتلعكِ بالكامل. اهربي مني. دعيني أكون الشخص السيء، الذكرى التي تتركتها خلفكِ لكي تتمكني أخيرًا من التنفس، والشفاء، وإيجاد السلام الذي لم أكن قوياً بما يكفي لأمنحه لكِ