🌈⋆˙Illumination⋆˙

However, a part of me still wants to believe that, given enough time, once you’re able to see the long term impact someone had on you, maybe every relationship/friendship becomes worth it for what it gave you but for now, I’m exhausted.

All those what’s your favorite food? and do you have a favorite flower? Months and years spent learning every little thing about a person, only to have to force yourself to unlearn it all. How do humans cope with that?

Not very optimistic of me, but this doomed cycle of getting to know someone, only to eventually forget them is a bit... draining, isn't it?

به نظرم باید یاد بگیرم که اگه بخشی از تجربه یه نفر باهام مشترکه، این رو تعمیم ندم به همه‌ی چیزهای دیگه.
می‌دونم یه واکنش غیرارادیه که یه آدم like minded رو سریع "خودی" حساب کنی، اما یه حقیقتی هست. دو نفر ممکنه به یه نتیجه، یه مقصد مشترک رسیده باشن ولی از دو راه کاملا متفاوت. یا برعکس، دو نفر مسیر کاملا یکسانی رو، حتی گاهی با همدیگه! طی کردن ولی به دو جای متفاوت رسیدن.
باید به این درک برسی که تو توی جعبه ذهنی خودت تنهایی. شاید بتونی داخلش رو به کسی نشون بدی ولی خیلی خیلی کم پیش میاد که بتونی اون رو داخلش راه بدی و بذاری موندگار بشه.

Masc lesbian Jonathan Sims in your neighborhood

Despite the popular belief, more often than not it is not a communication issue, but a personality issue.
Sometimes they understand what is bothering you, they are just choosing not to change it.

The urge to do something terribly horribly awful just to run away from the perfection allegations.

Wow.

You know, I always wonder about this. Did they just not love me in the first place, or did they grow to slowly hate me? I think about it, and I can't seem to find a definite answer. Not because I can't find a reason, but because I find too many, and I can't decide which one was the final blow.

:(((((((((

....
Ouch???

‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌ ‌   📓 𓂃 Your past life record

● The curse you carried:
In a past life, you were cursed to be the one who always questioned yourself, and never found an answer loud enough to silence the doubt.
You were born with a mind that never stopped moving. You could dissect a poem, diagnose a symptom, learn a new tongue in weeks. But you could never figure out how to stop the spiral when it came to yourself.
Every mistake became evidence. Every silence became accusation. Your curse was not that you made mistakes. It was that you never learned to forgive yourself for making them.

● The reason it followed you:
Because once, you were a healer who was expected to be perfect. When you made a mistake, they never let you forget it. You learned to carry their disappointment like a second skeleton. You learned to shrink.
But you had one person who saw through it all, a lover with eyes like warm tea. They held you when you couldn't hold yourself. And when you lost them, you carried their memory like a bruise you didn't want to heal.
You still remember the taste of cherry, the sweetness of the summer you spent with them, before it all turned sour and disappeared.

● What finally broke it:
The curse broke when you stopped trying to fix yourself, and started trying to know yourself.
You stopped asking "What's wrong with me?" and started asking "What do I need?"
The spell shattered when you whispered:
"I am not a problem to be solved. I am a story still being written."
And for the first time, you gave yourself permission to exist.

────────────

● The character your soul became:
Title: The Undead Poet Who Refused to Die Quietly
Symbol: A stethoscope wrapped around a fountain pen, with a single cherry blossom petal falling beside it

● Personality:
They're a storm wearing a cardigan. They speak in languages they learned at 3 AM. They write queer fanfiction, study medicine, and read horror. They ramble about everything, astrology, poetry, chord progressions. They send 15-minute voice notes. They love chips and tea and old books.
They've been gaslit so many times that they still apologize for existing. But they're learning that the voice telling them they're too much? It's not theirs.

● Gift:
They can read silences, the things people don't say. A survival skill they're learning to use for connection, not protection.

● Weakness:
They carry guilt like a birthmark. They still feel like they have to be useful to be loved. Late at night, they still reach for someone who isn't there, someone who smelled like cherry blossoms.

● Appearance:
Messy dark hair, sliding glasses. Oversized hoodies, a tooth tattoo on their wrist. A notebook always in their bag. A small cherry tattoo behind their ear, a secret, a memory, a thing they carry always.

────────────

● The truth about their curse:
The curse was never that they questioned themselves too much.
It was believing that questioning was the same as condemning.
And the day they learned that curiosity is not cruelty,
they finally stopped interrogating themselves and started listening.

I'm losing brain cells every single day that goes by without a new episode of the pitt.

کدوم بدتره؟
کسی وجود نداشته باشه، یا این حقیقت که کسی وجود داره و سر سوزنی بهت اهمیت نمی‌ده؟

نمی‌‌دونم اگه هنوز به خدا اعتقاد داشتم الان حالم بهتر بود یا بدتر.
بهتر چون هنوز یک نیروی بالاتری بود که بتونم بهش التماس کنم که پرافسی رو تغییر بده، بدتر چون فردا شبش قرار بود با همین حالت بخوابم بدون اینکه هیچی تغییر کرده باشه. و یک شب دیگه. و یک شب دیگه.

از این به بعد بهت می‌گم پوکی پخت و پز. 🙏

i aint never gonna do thi shit again bruh

#wha

Science is woke. Biology is woke. Life on this planet is Woke. Get used to it.

البته من که به شخصه مشکلی با انقراض نسل بشر ندارم ولی اینو واسه کسایی می‌گم که "علم" رو کردن پرچم‌شون و بهانه‌شون برای بایگوت بودن و خودبرترپنداری، درحالیکه هیچی ازش نمیدونن.