i’ve been sitting here with so much on my mind, and honestly, my heart feels so heavy right now. i’m writing this because i don’t know how else to get through to you without everything turning into another fight or me ending up feeling even more alone. lately, i feel like i’m constantly stuck in my own head, overthinking every little thing because of how things have been between us. it’s like i’m walking on eggshells, trying to figure out where i stand with you, and it’s exhausting. i hate that i’ve become this person who overanalyzes every silence and every shift in your tone, but it’s hard not to when i feel so insecure about where we are.

what hurts the most is the way you react when i’m upset. i need you to understand that when i’m angry or hurt, it’s usually because i’m feeling unheard or neglected. i’m not trying to attack you or start a war; i’m actually reaching out for you. i’m showing you my pain because i want you to be the one to fix it, to hold me, and to tell me that we’re okay. but instead of being my safe space, you choose to get even angrier at me. you turn your frustration back on me, and it makes me feel like my feelings are a burden or a nuisance to you. it’s so incredibly lonely to be crying and have the person who is supposed to love me be the one who makes me feel even worse.

it breaks my heart that i can’t even express my hurt without it blowing up into something bigger. when you get defensive and start raising your voice or getting mad because i’m sad, it just shuts me down. it makes me feel like i don’t have the right to be hurt. i shouldn’t have to apologize for having emotions, and i shouldn’t end up being the one who feels guilty or ends up apologizing when i was the one who was hurting in the first place. it’s a cycle that is slowly breaking me, and it leaves me feeling so small and unimportant in your life. i just want to feel like i matter enough for you to put your pride aside and just comfort me for once.

i want us to be okay, i really do, but i can't keep living in this state of constant overthinking and sadness. i need a partner who sees my tears and wants to dry them, not someone who adds to them by being harsh. i need to know that i can come to you with anything without fear of you turning it into a fight. i’m tired of feeling like i’m fighting for your attention or your kindness when things get tough. please, just try to understand where i'm coming from. i don't want to be "right," i just want to feel loved and secure again. i want to know that you’re my peace, not the reason i can’t sleep at night.

✦ ver : buat yg selalu bkin ovt, suka marah klo mau/minta di bujuk (English version)
✦ credit long text : @longtextbub
✦ n.) kalau mau repost ke ch lo, wajib pake cr, ngga pake? denda