the genuine fucking torture of sitting at a table with your coworkers during a break when they start talking about disabled kids and the topic shifts to autism and how they're 'so weird' and 'so scary', 'sick' and 'retarded' and they whirl their hand by their head and oh there's so much autism nowadays and those poor parents and you have to hold yourself back from starting shit because you haven't said anything during those breaks and don't talk unprompted and like a half of the people sitting there don't really like you and you also have to be silent when they start talking shit about your other 'pretty obvious' autistic coworker and making fun of him in a way they don't do with anyone other in our workplace and you start wondering oh how do they talk about me behind closed doors because when you're constantly by yourself don't engage in conversation a bit slow and awkward you miss things you stim you don't hold eye contact you have to ask them to repeat whatever is said because you didn't catch that you're not enthusiastic about your job. well whatever they say about me i feel that can't be anything good can it.