Giving feedback that empowers ❤️

Our "Writing Pedagogy" course with an American instructor is in full swing.

Today, we practiced giving empowering, but constructive feedback on #writing. The main principles are in the photo. And here are my attempts to turn ineffective comments into effective ones.

1️⃣

Original:

“The essay is fine, but your introduction is weak. You should start with a quote or a question to make it stronger.”

My rewrite:

"The essay is well-written - it has two solid arguments, and the ideas are well-supported. But the introduction is somewhat vague - it doesn't really tell me what the essay will be about. Can you think of a quote by someone famous on the topic? Or maybe you could phrase the thesis statement as a question. This way the readers will feel compelled to continue reading."

2️⃣

Original:

“This poem flows nicely overall, but I can’t really tell what it’s about. Maybe you need to rethink your whole theme or rewrite it with a clearer message.”

My rewrite:

"This poem flows nicely overall, but I am not sure I understand what it is about. Is it about death or divorce? What if you look at this theme from a different angle and write a couple of lines to test this out? I am looking forward to reading the experimental lines."

Do you see the principles at work? Any other possible rewrites? Share in the comments. ⬇️