❤️ IELTS Writing Task 2: Paragraph Rewrite ❤️

First and foremost: I love writing. I love rewriting. I love teaching writing. ❤️

Now, on to IELTS.

The paragraph below was written by a student. It's not a bad paragraph—the ideas are there, and so is a lot of good language. But why don't we improve the flow and tone the language down? 🎵

Topic: "More and more people say that they do not feel safe when they leave home. Why is this? What could be done to address this issue?"

✏️ Body paragraph 1: Original paragraph by a student

"Granted, this world has never been a perfectly safe place to live in, but never before has this imperfection seen such abundant evidence, distorting people’s perception of the environment beyond the walls of their homes. Nowadays, hardly a minute passes after a terrorist attack, a fatal car accident or even a casual brawl, when all the media start bombarding their vulnerable users with shocking headlines and damning reports, all of which subtly, but inevitably alter the human psyche – fragile and highly perceptive to everything that may compromise our safety in the street. While journalists and reporters are having a field day, intentionally exaggerating the extent of incidents and amplifying feelings of sorrow or horror in a bid to get more views, people cannot help but extrapolate these negative experiences to their own lives, thus becoming apprehensive, insecure or even paranoid about what might happen outside."

✏️ Body paragraph 1: My rewrite

"The main reason for the people's fear is the distorted perception of the world, which, in turn, stems from increased exposure to bad news. Nowadays, hardly a minute passes after a terrorist attack, a fatal car accident, or even a casual brawl, when all the media start bombarding their vulnerable users with reports of these events. This is only exacerbated by the fact that journalists and news editors often intentionally exaggerate the extent of the incidents and amplify feelings of sorrow or horror in order to get more views. The audiences, however, cannot help but extrapolate these negative incidences to their own lives, thus becoming apprehensive, insecure or even paranoid about what might happen outside."

Now the paragraph has the same ideas, but it flows better and is less emotional.

#ieltswritingtask2 #ieltswriting