IELTS Writing Task 2: A really bad paragraph - but why?

One of the things I love doing to my model essays is ruining them to demonstrate a certain point.

And this is exactly what I did in our joint webinar "CPE vs. IELTS essays: Tips and Tricks." See if you can spot what's wrong.

📝 Topic: "Environmental problems should be solved by one international organization rather than each individual government. Do you agree or disagree?"

📝 Body paragraph 3:

"The third reason is that many serious problems affect parts of the Earth that do not belong to one particular country and therefore do not fall under the responsibility of one government. One vivid case in point to illustrate this paradigm is the plastic pollution in world oceans in the form of giant plastic chunks working in conjunction with microplastics having been found as deep as the Mariana hole. Another paragon of seriousness is the depletion of the ozone layer. Not only expecting one country to expend their resources on such major problems would be unfair as this would place an uncalled-for burden on it, but also it would divert the valuable resources from its other issues and priorities. Never will such problems be solved, in turn, if no country is tasked with solving such problems, albeit compounding them."

Which assessment criterion (or criteria) is/are a disaster: Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy? Why?

Key: Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range and Accuracy. There are A LOT OF awkward phrases there, both in terms of vocabulary and grammar.

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