Coherence and cohesion - the cornerstone of any IELTS essay 🦩

Flaws in CC can be hard to notice.

To help my students practice this skill, I sometimes create the following exercise for them: I take a good paragraph I wrote, disrupt CC in it, ask students to identify the flaws, and, finally, invite them to rewrite the paragraph.

Try walking in my students' shoes.

📝 Topic: "In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?"

Body paragraph 1: the flawed version

"It cannot be denied that large elderly populations put a strain on different state institutions, for example, the pension fund. Thus, younger populations have to experience a significant burden as taxes are raised for them. On top of this drawback is another one – the pension fund might have to be replenished by using the money allocated to other purposes. Yet another downside is the healthcare system as budget allocations and personnel have to be supported additionally. Aging populations thus exert a burden on those in other age groups, albeit indirectly."

Body paragraph 1: the original, with CC in place

"It cannot be denied that large elderly populations put a strain on different state institutions. One such institution is the pension fund, which has to be replenished either by using the money allocated to other purposes or by raising taxes for the younger populations. Another is the healthcare system as it has to be provided additional support both in terms of budget allocation and personnel. Aging populations thus exert a burden on those in other age groups, albeit indirectly."

Did you notice all the flaws? Was it easy?

#IELTS #ieltswriting