IELTS Writing Task 2: repetition or development?

Not everything you write in an essay, however beautiful it is, contributes to the development of the idea, aka Task Response.

Here are two bits of an essay written by me. Both are perfectly cohesive and rich in language, but one contains the development of the idea and one contains nothing but the repetition of the same idea (in different words).

Which one contains which? How can you tell the difference?❓

Topic: "The numbers of plants and animals is decreasing in most countries. Why is this happening? What can be done about it?" 🐼

1️⃣
The first reason is that as the population of the planet grows, people increasingly encroach on natural environments for purposes ranging from construction and expansion of cities to clearing the land for farming and agriculture. These activities either obliterate flora and fauna entirely or cause them to move to new habitats, where they might not necessarily survive.

2️⃣
The first reason is that as the population of the planet grows, people increasingly encroach on territories where wildlife lives. By doing so, they invade plant and animal habitats, which displaces biodiversity. This intrusion obliterates flora and fauna, destroying them for the sake of human activities requiring use of natural environments.

I teach almost exclusively using my own IELTS answers. And I create all manner of exercises based on my writing to show what is effective and what isn't.

🐼 Two of my IELTS essays on this channel: #Irina_writes_IELTS

🐼 Many more on Boosty: https://boosty.to/irinalutsenko