it's Valentine

Maybe I have spent too long measuring myself by what I lack.

The dreams I buried. The people who didn't stay. The future I cannot see. Sometimes I think about death and how cruelly brief a life can be.

Not because I want mine to end, but because I am terrified of reaching the end and realizing I never truly lived. There is so much of the world I have never touched. So many skies I have never seen, so many roads I have never taken, so many versions of myself still waiting somewhere ahead.

And yet I stand here,
watching time move without me. Everyone seems to be going somewhere. Growing.
Finding people. Building lives. While I am still trying to understand how to begin.

My world feels like it has fallen apart, and I don't know which pieces are still mine to hold. I've lost dreams. I've lost people. I've lost parts of myself I don't know how to find again.

And lately, I've been afraid that I am running out of reasons to keep believing tomorrow will be different.

I still want to see the world. I still want to become someone. I still want to knowbwhat life could have been. But wanting a life and knowing how to reach itnare two very different things.

So here I am, lost between
the life I imagined, the life I have, and the life I am still afraid I may never get to live. I don't know how to fix my world.

I only know
I am still standing in it,
confused,
terrified,
and unbearably tired of wondering whether there is still a place in this world for me.

I'm done.

Malam, peluk aku lebih erat, aku hanya ingin beristirahat dan tidur dalam dekapan mimpi yang abadi.

When I say I love you, I don't say it lightly. I say it because, in every version of my future, you're the only one I ever want standing beside me. Loving you isn't just a feeling, it's the place where my heart has chosen to stay.

When I say I want you, I mean I don't crave another soul. Not more. Not less. Just you. Only you. In this life, and in every tomorrow that finds us.

And if one day I lose myself... if life pulls me into the darkest storms, if the winds carry me far away, or even if you tell me to leave.. I will still find my way back to you.

I'm coming back home to you.

Because no matter where this world takes me, my heart will always know the way home.

And home... has always been you. It always will be.

I admit, I've lost.

Is it better to speak or to die?

" Marco & I, we don’t have that big romantic kind of love story. In fact, ours began in the most unexciting way: as friends. Now, our love may be quiet & boring but it's sure. With the right amount of respect & trust & even allowance for mistakes... I love him, Ginny. And in love, there is no fear. "

- Patty

But even when I'm quiet, I love you. Baby, I promise.

ATEK,
I miss you in all the quiet ways— In the silence before I fall asleep, In the morning light that touches my face. Today marks exactly 6 months since we started this journey together, And every single second makes me realize how incredibly lucky I am to have you.

Every part of my day somehow leads back to you. A song, a scent, a random memory— And suddenly, your smile is dancing in my mind again. This half a year hasn't been just a passage of time; with you, every moment has been a beautiful treasure that flies by too fast.

I carry your voice in my heart like a favorite melody, Playing softly through everything I do. Even when distance or busy days stretch between us, It has only made my love for you grow deeper, steadier, stronger.

You’re not just the person I love— You’re the one I pray for, the one I dream with, The one I see at the end of every road.

Happy 6-month mensive, my love. Thank you for being the absolute best part of my life for the past half-year. Here's to all the days ahead, wishing for more laughter, warmer hugs, and a lifetime of us.

Happy 6th Mensiversary, I love you so much Maven.

Sorrowful reunion.

I hope your day will always be filled with happiness, I love you.

One day, I’ll finally be free from the weight and guilt that have been suffocating me.

And even if I born again, it's gonna be you, you, you, and you again, in every single lifetime, in every single universe.

Cause I'd rather be stuck in a moment with you and repeat it for a thousand times than losing you.