1.
The issue here is with the number. Even though the table says the data is measured in thousands, when we use a specific number, this word is not pluralised. Therefore, the sentence should say:
In 2008, Australia had the highest amount of students with a part-time job, with 14 thousand.
2.
The problem with sentence is that the writer has mentioned ‘declined steadily’, when in fact this is not a continuous time period (it is only two dates with a gap of 8 years between them). Instead, the writer could say:
The quantity of Australian students with a part-time job was much lower in 2016 with 11,000, in contrast to 2008 when there were 14,000 of them.
3.
The writer here says that ‘Australia decreased’. This doesn’t make sense, because a country can’t just decrease. In fact, it is the number which decreased, not the actual country itself. Therefore, a more appropriate way of describing this is
However, in 2016, the quantity of learners in part-time employment Australia was lower, with a figure of 11,000
4.
There is an error here with the use of the linker ‘while’. It can be used for contrast, but not in the same way as ‘however. It is important to use it to connect two clauses in the following ways:
New Zealand had a larger amount of high school students with part-time employment in 2016 with a difference of 2,000, while Fiji’s difference was much greater with 3,000
While New Zealand had a larger amount of high school students with part-time employment in 2016 with a difference of 2,000, Fiji’s difference was much greater with 3,000.
5.
There are two aspects to talk about here. Firstly, adjectives are not pluralised in English, so the correct form is ‘different’ rather than ‘differents’ (which is a common difference with other languages
However, Australia had a different trend, where they had lower figures in 2016 (11,000) compared to 2008 (5,000)
The other point is that using brackets can give you some variation in your sentence Style or type, although they can have the opposite effect of making your sentence less complex. Consider the following as an alternativeHowever, Australia had a different trend, where they had lower figures in 2016 with 11,000 students compared to 2008 when there were 5,000.
Source: idp.ielts.com
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