3rd semester and feeling drained after loosing so many times

when i decided to do engineering , i thought i will study hard . I will get good CGPA (above 8 atleast) but when i got into first semester , i lost someone who was really close to me , they d!ed and i got bad result in my engineering entrance even though i studied hard and expected to get good result but just like neet, this perticular exam was also rigged .

so the trauma of failing in something that i thought would succeed in which will release me from weight of my past failure and loosing someone very close to me that when they d!ed i lost part of myself that i will never be able to recover and because of it i was depressed in my first semester and wanted to drop out.


neither i was able to study , neither i was relaxed or chilling i was just constantly constantly stressed with no productive outcome

i was not disciplined , i failed to study consistently and somehow i managed to get medicore sgpa of 7.63 i was just happy that i didn't fail any subject and then i got out of depression but


still i wasn't able buid habbit of studying consistantly in my second semester and the same thing is getting continued in third semester and i am worried about my future

i have tried so many things to be consistent . wetherr it's dopamine detox and wht not bs

but i have not been able to lock in so far and one of the reason is because i don't want to lock in too hard because when i did the stressed caused m to have type 1 dm so like i am tryinng to have 7 hour study session everyday with like yk work like balance thing but i have failed so many times in doing it that likeeee it;s creazy idk what to do. likw what kind of new rules i need to make so i can follow them and not be distracted idk i'm just going crazzy



if you guys have any advice related to it please let me know i will really apriciate it

{ sorry for all the typing errors and spellling errors i am bit emotionally unstable rn and i don't want to focus on grammer too much\] thank you



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