I wasted my entire career. I'm a loser that shouldn't exist.

M22 , CSE final year, tier 3 college

I feel like i have wasted my entire career. I'm in final year of my college with no good skills or project. I wasted 3 years of my college life doing nothing but procrastination. Some student in the 1st or 2nd year might have better skills than me. It's all my fault and there's is no one else to blame but me.

All i did was just study 5 days before the examination through Chatgpt (not books) and pass the semester somehow. Currently I have 7.3 CGPA and thats it. I've forgotten the concepts and knowledge of core subjects like DBMS, Computer Networks and operating system. It all feels like I've just cramped up the syllabus a night before and vomitted it out in exam.

My communication skills are really bad as well. I just cant speak to other person properly, even in my mother tongue (hindi) as well. I always end up stuttering in between. I exhibit symptoms of ADHD and OCD which makes it 10 times worse.

My class 12th percentage was just 61% wnd because of that i was not allowed to sit in many campus placements. I have give online assessment of 3-4 companies and got rejected in the first round. I could have passed it with cheating but decided not to do so.

I've recently started doing DSA and Web development just a month ago but i feel like im too behind everyone. And with the advancement of AI every month, its difficult to keep up. I feel like im way too behind industry standards.

I haven't made a single friend in college and mostly spent my time sitting alone while attending stupid lectures just to keep 75% attendance. I don't even have anyone with whom i can ask for guidance and other queries. My poor communication skills and lack of confidence makes it really difficult to approach and talk to any senior or even students of my own batch. I hate myself.

There are other problems as well that's going on with my life but i dont want to discuss it here. All this makes me feel like I would not make it. The dreams that i once desired as a kid no longer can be fulfilled. I'm constantly getting depressing and suicidal thoughts. I dont even know if switching to other fileds would make any difference and i don't have any talent either. It all just feeling depressing and hopeless. I'm constantly getting suicidal thoughts since last year.

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