then boyfriend or current girlfriend make any sexual comments, whether as a joke or genuine, or express sexual attraction towards me, I feel really irritated with them, or even kinda mad. What is that? Even if it turns out I am asexual, why do I feel that? Instead of feeling flattered or validated. Like when I can tell they are about to say something sexual I feel so frustrated.

I’m considering asking my girlfriend to go back to being friends because it feels unfair to date her if I feel this way. She knows I’m a bit uncomfy actually being physical and asked if I wanted to slow down earlier in our relationship to which I said yes. So now we cuddle and stuff but we don’t kiss or do anything else for the moment, and she is very chill about it. She knows that I have considered the potential that I am asexual but that I don’t think I am - at least that was the case when we last talked. Although now I’m doubting that. She has said she would be ok with that even. but I am having the same problem now that I have had in the past where anytime we hang out now I feel extreme guilt that I may not be giving her what she wants, even though she says she is totally fine with taking it slow. And I keep thinking as we date longer I will become ready to be intimate but I just don’t know if that is going to happen at this point, it’s been almost 6 months at this point.

So to sum it up, I guess my main issue is I can’t tell if I hate the idea of sex so much because of the anxiety that comes with it or if I just genuinely dislike it and will never like it. I have never until recently considered that a lifelong relationship could be without kissing or sex, and now that I have thought about it I realize that kinda sounds kinda nice. Since having these realizations lately I’ve been thinking about how scared I am to grow old and be all alone, cause I don’t know if I can be in a relationship where I have to be intimate. But the thought of someone I can connect to on a soul level and cuddle with but who doesn’t expect or want sex from me sounds pretty cool. It’s even had me reconsider me not liking men - cause the idea of cuddling with and being soulmates with a man doesn’t give me dread, and actually sounds quite nice.

Ok I am actually done now. I’m sorry to rant, I just haven’t talked about it this in detail with anyone and wanted to get it off my chest. I wish this wasn’t so complicated.

https://redd.it/1x5jrh2
@asexualityonreddit